This crystallization really resonated with me. I’ve recently noticed a social norms divide, where some people seem to perceive requests for more information as hostile (attacking their status), rather than as a sign of interest. “I do not understand your world view, tell me more” can translate as “I like you and am interested in understanding you better”, or as “you are obviously wrong, please show me some weakness so that I can show how much smarter I am.” Or related, consider:
A: I’m working on X.
B: I’ve heard Y about X, what do you think?
Is B mentioning Y a sign of belonging to A’s in[terest]-group, and a bid for closeness? Or is B bidding for status, trying to show how much better informed B is?
Obviously I’ve removed all the interesting subtlety from my examples here, and it’s easy to imagine a conversation such that the hypothetical questions have obvious answers. It’s also possible for B to be unambiguous in one direction or the other—this is a useful social skill. My point is that there’s also overlap, where B intends to bid for closeness, but is interpreted as bidding for status. And that’s a function of A’s assumptions, not just about B but about how interactions in general are supposed to be structured.
This crystallization really resonated with me. I’ve recently noticed a social norms divide, where some people seem to perceive requests for more information as hostile (attacking their status), rather than as a sign of interest. “I do not understand your world view, tell me more” can translate as “I like you and am interested in understanding you better”, or as “you are obviously wrong, please show me some weakness so that I can show how much smarter I am.” Or related, consider:
Is B mentioning Y a sign of belonging to A’s in[terest]-group, and a bid for closeness? Or is B bidding for status, trying to show how much better informed B is?
Obviously I’ve removed all the interesting subtlety from my examples here, and it’s easy to imagine a conversation such that the hypothetical questions have obvious answers. It’s also possible for B to be unambiguous in one direction or the other—this is a useful social skill. My point is that there’s also overlap, where B intends to bid for closeness, but is interpreted as bidding for status. And that’s a function of A’s assumptions, not just about B but about how interactions in general are supposed to be structured.