As a general rule, you should always start with the side that’s more cognitively fused.
Thanks, this has been a useful tip.
E.g. I’ve had a persistent aversion to looking people in the eyes while I’m talking to them; I’ve made temporary progress on this issue on several occasions but it has always regenerated. Nudged by this post, I finally realized/remembered that I should also be asking why I do want to look them in the eyes. (this is a bit embarrassing since I should have picked this kind of thing up from my IFS training, but apparently didn’t consistently enough)
Asking that question brought up a certain kind of desired self-image which involved being able to look at people in the eyes, together with a prediction of the ways in which being that kind of a person would make me feel good. Surfacing that assumption made it possible to investigate and reconsolidate some of the assumptions in that schema, after which I ended up at “maybe looking people in the eyes isn’t that important after all”. But then making that update, somehow made it easier to notice that were sources of discomfort in not-looking-at-people as well. I’m not sure what position I’ll end up in, but right now the thought of looking people in the eyes when I’m talking to them is starting to feel like a genuinely enjoyable thought.
Thanks, this has been a useful tip.
E.g. I’ve had a persistent aversion to looking people in the eyes while I’m talking to them; I’ve made temporary progress on this issue on several occasions but it has always regenerated. Nudged by this post, I finally realized/remembered that I should also be asking why I do want to look them in the eyes. (this is a bit embarrassing since I should have picked this kind of thing up from my IFS training, but apparently didn’t consistently enough)
Asking that question brought up a certain kind of desired self-image which involved being able to look at people in the eyes, together with a prediction of the ways in which being that kind of a person would make me feel good. Surfacing that assumption made it possible to investigate and reconsolidate some of the assumptions in that schema, after which I ended up at “maybe looking people in the eyes isn’t that important after all”. But then making that update, somehow made it easier to notice that were sources of discomfort in not-looking-at-people as well. I’m not sure what position I’ll end up in, but right now the thought of looking people in the eyes when I’m talking to them is starting to feel like a genuinely enjoyable thought.