I’ve been dating my current GF for ~five years now. I think something that’s allowed the relationship to work well from my end was doing certain stoic/meditative moves. At a certain point in my meditation practice, after reading Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha, I decided that “unsatisfactoriness” might be the voice in the back of my mind that is always finding something to complain about. Maybe it’s just correlated with getting older and gradually settling hormone levels, but having that handle on that mental process really helped stabilize my equanimity in the relationship, with my GF who is higher-conscientiousness/lower-openness than I am.
However, in recent months, I’ve started to wonder if I’ve underestimated how important openness is for me in a partner; some part of me has started to experience the reflexive ‘no’ that often comes with lower-openness as a form of attack. It’s something my GF and I are working on, and she’s aware of the way some of my processing of the relationship has changed, but it’s giving me a lot of pause lately.
W/r/t my GF not having a rationalist frame: in reflective moments, this can be unsettling for my self-conception as someone who is a good, clear communicator. Man, if I can’t move the needle with one person, in five years, what the f...?
I’ve been dating my current GF for ~five years now. I think something that’s allowed the relationship to work well from my end was doing certain stoic/meditative moves. At a certain point in my meditation practice, after reading Mastering the Core Teachings of the Buddha, I decided that “unsatisfactoriness” might be the voice in the back of my mind that is always finding something to complain about. Maybe it’s just correlated with getting older and gradually settling hormone levels, but having that handle on that mental process really helped stabilize my equanimity in the relationship, with my GF who is higher-conscientiousness/lower-openness than I am.
However, in recent months, I’ve started to wonder if I’ve underestimated how important openness is for me in a partner; some part of me has started to experience the reflexive ‘no’ that often comes with lower-openness as a form of attack. It’s something my GF and I are working on, and she’s aware of the way some of my processing of the relationship has changed, but it’s giving me a lot of pause lately.
W/r/t my GF not having a rationalist frame: in reflective moments, this can be unsettling for my self-conception as someone who is a good, clear communicator. Man, if I can’t move the needle with one person, in five years, what the f...?
Ouch!
On the other hand, “A prophet is not without honor except in his own town, among his relatives and in his own home.”
🤣 this thread was worth it just for that