I spend a fair amount of my time off work either on public transportation or in coffee shops, and have found that how receptive people are to starting conversations varies widely within these settings.
On public transportation, there are observations one can make which can aid with determining whether someone is open to conversation. If they are already engaged in conversation with another passenger and appear either happy or lost, it is more often appropriate (people who are happy tend to have farther to go on their mood spectrum to get to creeped out or annoyed, as well as sometimes, as with the people I befriended a couple weeks ago, being in the mood to share their happiness with others, and people who are lost generally appreciate direction or at least a clarification of where they are on the map). A person confined to the seat next to you is less likely to be happy about a conversation, as they will feel they have less of an exit than, say, in a section where all seats face a middle aisle, meaning the area in which the conversation takes place is felt to be larger. In my experience, few people like to start conversations on their morning commute. So the important factors which determine whether it is appropriate to speak to someone on public transportation are time of day, physical position, and mood.
Coffee shops follow similar guidelines: it is often appropriate to chime in to existing conversations (as long as the conversation is not romantic or argumentative in nature). When a person might be forced by lack of seating to share your table, it is not appropriate to start a conversation if both of you have laptops, as you can be reasonably expected to be engaged with other people or projects. If the other person does not have a laptop or other electronic device with which they are engaged, it is generally appropriate to start a conversation.
I have found coffee shops environments where it is sometimes received well to butt in to interesting conversations. This has led to a few rebuffs, but also some highly interesting conversations. When people were gathered in the coffee shop for a purpose, such as a poetry reading, there was a significantly higher proportion of interesting conversations to rebuffs.
Public transit talkiness varies a lot by city. In Boston, it’s minimal. I understand in other cities, conversation is much more normal.
It’s my experience as a young woman that the only people who try to talk to me on public transit are men. If you’re a man, know that young women you try to talk to are probably going to assume you’re sketchy because they’ve been approached by so many other sketchy men before.
I veto talking to anyone who is reading. A possible exception might be if you’ve read what they’re reading and ask their opinion of it, or similar.
An anecdote: I was once reading Prattchett in a trolley-bus, and the ticket seller, a young man, exclaimed ‘Oh! You read Prattchett in the original!‘, and I was like, shit, he’s after my book and said ‘Yes,’ in an uninviting voice, and he went on his way…
…and I still regret not taking the time to talk to him.:)
I spend a fair amount of my time off work either on public transportation or in coffee shops, and have found that how receptive people are to starting conversations varies widely within these settings.
On public transportation, there are observations one can make which can aid with determining whether someone is open to conversation. If they are already engaged in conversation with another passenger and appear either happy or lost, it is more often appropriate (people who are happy tend to have farther to go on their mood spectrum to get to creeped out or annoyed, as well as sometimes, as with the people I befriended a couple weeks ago, being in the mood to share their happiness with others, and people who are lost generally appreciate direction or at least a clarification of where they are on the map). A person confined to the seat next to you is less likely to be happy about a conversation, as they will feel they have less of an exit than, say, in a section where all seats face a middle aisle, meaning the area in which the conversation takes place is felt to be larger. In my experience, few people like to start conversations on their morning commute. So the important factors which determine whether it is appropriate to speak to someone on public transportation are time of day, physical position, and mood.
Coffee shops follow similar guidelines: it is often appropriate to chime in to existing conversations (as long as the conversation is not romantic or argumentative in nature). When a person might be forced by lack of seating to share your table, it is not appropriate to start a conversation if both of you have laptops, as you can be reasonably expected to be engaged with other people or projects. If the other person does not have a laptop or other electronic device with which they are engaged, it is generally appropriate to start a conversation.
I have found coffee shops environments where it is sometimes received well to butt in to interesting conversations. This has led to a few rebuffs, but also some highly interesting conversations. When people were gathered in the coffee shop for a purpose, such as a poetry reading, there was a significantly higher proportion of interesting conversations to rebuffs.
Public transit talkiness varies a lot by city. In Boston, it’s minimal. I understand in other cities, conversation is much more normal.
It’s my experience as a young woman that the only people who try to talk to me on public transit are men. If you’re a man, know that young women you try to talk to are probably going to assume you’re sketchy because they’ve been approached by so many other sketchy men before.
I veto talking to anyone who is reading. A possible exception might be if you’ve read what they’re reading and ask their opinion of it, or similar.
An anecdote: I was once reading Prattchett in a trolley-bus, and the ticket seller, a young man, exclaimed ‘Oh! You read Prattchett in the original!‘, and I was like, shit, he’s after my book and said ‘Yes,’ in an uninviting voice, and he went on his way… …and I still regret not taking the time to talk to him.:)