When I interact with people who behave the way you do (there a lot here at NASA), I generally do not hold it against them.
However, since you said you’d like to change, here are some suggestions that don’t require a great deal of attention because they are responses to specific events (which you would need to practice noticing):
Always say “Thank you” for everything. Assume that no one thinks you’re thankful unless you say so. It’s not necessarily true, but it is true sometimes, and it’s virtually never true that saying “thank you” will annoy someone that has just done something for you.
Learn people’s names and use them when you see someone for the first time each day (assuming you’re in an anglophone culture—romance cultures greet more often, I don’t know about other cultures). For many people, saying “Hi, JoAnn!” instead of just “Hi” or “Mmf” helps make them feel valued and respected by you.
It’s OK to leave a conversation that others are continuing, if they’re not actually speaking to you at the time you leave. Tell everyone “Bye” or “Talk to you later” or whatever is appropriate for your expectations of interacting in the future, and then step away. If you don’t want to interrupt a lively discussion, you can just raise your hand in a quick wave, try to make eye contact with at least one person if you can and smile or nod, and step away.
I’ll second the “thank you”, and append that “please” and “you’re welcome” are also wonderful phrases. I tend to read out as exceptionally polite as long as I’m managing those three.
I have, ONCE in my life, had someone upset with me for my politeness, but that was because I was overusing “sorry”. I do find apologizing is a useful trait, but it’s definitely easier to overdo that one :)
Regarding exact phrasing, I think “no problem” has largely replaced “you’re welcome” outside of formal settings. Also, here is something it took me a while to figure out—in the case of an approximately equal trade, both parties should thank each other, but saying “you’re welcome” or an equivalent would be kind of insulting.
In that particular case I could see “you’re welcome” being received oddly, since the social expectation is to thank the other person. That said “You’re welcome—and thank YOU for your $GIFT” seems to work decently if it’s, say, exchanging Christmas gifts.
I’ve generally gotten positive reactions to using “you’re welcome”. It might help that I have a voice that comes across as genuinely friendly and happy, and when I’m not genuinely feeling that way I won’t use the phrase. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone react as though it was insulting, in any circumstances.
Admittedly I also just have a personal dislike of “no problem”—it strikes me as disparaging the effort that went in to something, and I only use it when it was a genuinely trivial effort, or if the person seems to be honestly concerned that they’ve imposed too much on me.
Saying “no problem” to something big also reads out as having an undertone of “you really shouldn’t bother thanking me, I didn’t actually put any effort in to this”, and my experience is that people DO react somewhat to that undertone.
Hmmm, interesting. Overall, “no problem” seems to move people towards a more neutral response to my gift—reducing both anxieties of imposing on me, and enthusiasm/gratitude for me going out of my way to help.
When I interact with people who behave the way you do (there a lot here at NASA), I generally do not hold it against them.
However, since you said you’d like to change, here are some suggestions that don’t require a great deal of attention because they are responses to specific events (which you would need to practice noticing):
Always say “Thank you” for everything. Assume that no one thinks you’re thankful unless you say so. It’s not necessarily true, but it is true sometimes, and it’s virtually never true that saying “thank you” will annoy someone that has just done something for you.
Learn people’s names and use them when you see someone for the first time each day (assuming you’re in an anglophone culture—romance cultures greet more often, I don’t know about other cultures). For many people, saying “Hi, JoAnn!” instead of just “Hi” or “Mmf” helps make them feel valued and respected by you.
It’s OK to leave a conversation that others are continuing, if they’re not actually speaking to you at the time you leave. Tell everyone “Bye” or “Talk to you later” or whatever is appropriate for your expectations of interacting in the future, and then step away. If you don’t want to interrupt a lively discussion, you can just raise your hand in a quick wave, try to make eye contact with at least one person if you can and smile or nod, and step away.
I’ll second the “thank you”, and append that “please” and “you’re welcome” are also wonderful phrases. I tend to read out as exceptionally polite as long as I’m managing those three.
I have, ONCE in my life, had someone upset with me for my politeness, but that was because I was overusing “sorry”. I do find apologizing is a useful trait, but it’s definitely easier to overdo that one :)
Regarding exact phrasing, I think “no problem” has largely replaced “you’re welcome” outside of formal settings. Also, here is something it took me a while to figure out—in the case of an approximately equal trade, both parties should thank each other, but saying “you’re welcome” or an equivalent would be kind of insulting.
In that particular case I could see “you’re welcome” being received oddly, since the social expectation is to thank the other person. That said “You’re welcome—and thank YOU for your $GIFT” seems to work decently if it’s, say, exchanging Christmas gifts.
I’ve generally gotten positive reactions to using “you’re welcome”. It might help that I have a voice that comes across as genuinely friendly and happy, and when I’m not genuinely feeling that way I won’t use the phrase. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone react as though it was insulting, in any circumstances.
Admittedly I also just have a personal dislike of “no problem”—it strikes me as disparaging the effort that went in to something, and I only use it when it was a genuinely trivial effort, or if the person seems to be honestly concerned that they’ve imposed too much on me.
Saying “no problem” to something big also reads out as having an undertone of “you really shouldn’t bother thanking me, I didn’t actually put any effort in to this”, and my experience is that people DO react somewhat to that undertone.
Hmmm, interesting. Overall, “no problem” seems to move people towards a more neutral response to my gift—reducing both anxieties of imposing on me, and enthusiasm/gratitude for me going out of my way to help.