The following is from my reading, thinking, and experience. Hopefully it contains some useful ideas.
“Etiquette” is being conscious of the needs and wants of others, and changing your behavior (within reason) to accommodate these. If your thoughts are sufficiently engaging, this may be difficult or even undesirable.
What I find works for me is to partition my time. For some of it, I am interested in the world outside my head (including people) and for some of it I’m coding or thinking deep or sick or what have you and am not. While I try not to be outright rude in the latter state, it’s probably clear where my priorities lie.
These attitudes I apportion strategically, and make a point of establishing the appropriate context with grooming (basic maintenance always gets done, but making sure I actually look okay to go along with it might not) and clothing (jeans and a t-shirt, I’m probably not looking as much to engage the world outside my head as if I’m dressed up a bit).
Set aside some time for deliberate practice in treating people considerately—literally. That is, giving them consideration and letting that guide your actions.
“Manners” are patterns of behavior—when they tend to correspond to the actions one would take if they were acting considerately, they’re “good manners.” These are habits, with all the good and bad that implies. Specifically, the good is that they can happen without thinking—meaning your interactions may be improved even when you’re not focused on them; the bad is that they will not always apply, and so one shouldn’t rely on them when things are particularly important, and should turn to actual consideration of the involved individuals.
I’ll briefly note that “protocol” is yet another class of behavior—that which is rigidly proscribed, generally around some function. While it is usually both etiquette and (consequently) good manners to follow protocol, the three should not be confused. In particular, etiquette and manners can usually be figured out—protocol must be taught, but thankfully there’s usually reference material regarding more formal settings.
I do recommend perusing a book on etiquette or manners (the Post tome, for instance), reading not so much for the details but for the thinking behind them.
The following is from my reading, thinking, and experience. Hopefully it contains some useful ideas.
“Etiquette” is being conscious of the needs and wants of others, and changing your behavior (within reason) to accommodate these. If your thoughts are sufficiently engaging, this may be difficult or even undesirable.
What I find works for me is to partition my time. For some of it, I am interested in the world outside my head (including people) and for some of it I’m coding or thinking deep or sick or what have you and am not. While I try not to be outright rude in the latter state, it’s probably clear where my priorities lie.
These attitudes I apportion strategically, and make a point of establishing the appropriate context with grooming (basic maintenance always gets done, but making sure I actually look okay to go along with it might not) and clothing (jeans and a t-shirt, I’m probably not looking as much to engage the world outside my head as if I’m dressed up a bit).
Set aside some time for deliberate practice in treating people considerately—literally. That is, giving them consideration and letting that guide your actions.
“Manners” are patterns of behavior—when they tend to correspond to the actions one would take if they were acting considerately, they’re “good manners.” These are habits, with all the good and bad that implies. Specifically, the good is that they can happen without thinking—meaning your interactions may be improved even when you’re not focused on them; the bad is that they will not always apply, and so one shouldn’t rely on them when things are particularly important, and should turn to actual consideration of the involved individuals.
I’ll briefly note that “protocol” is yet another class of behavior—that which is rigidly proscribed, generally around some function. While it is usually both etiquette and (consequently) good manners to follow protocol, the three should not be confused. In particular, etiquette and manners can usually be figured out—protocol must be taught, but thankfully there’s usually reference material regarding more formal settings.
I do recommend perusing a book on etiquette or manners (the Post tome, for instance), reading not so much for the details but for the thinking behind them.