Interesting. I guess different people have different preferences, because what I value at my rationalist group is that we avoid similar kinds of status displays. Do that kind of “put your arm around me”, and I’ll discreetly ask my friends to next time meet somewhere else where you are not invited.
I wonder how other people in the group feel about that, though, so next time I’m with them I will ask them. I assume that our behavior norms resemble our preferences. Anyway, potentially interesting topic for a discussion.
EDIT:
Okay, I asked, and the reactions were like: (1) “My response would be: ‘Take it off, or I will break it off.’” (2) It is okay, if it is also possible the other way round in another situation.
It is a status move. You either defend your status, or accept the status loss.
For people who enjoy status fights, defending their status may be simple and enjoyable. But I am not one of them.
For people who enjoy having low status, losing status may be enjoyable. But I am not one of them.
There is also the option of defending my status without enjoying it (or losing my status without enjoying it), but why would I do the things I dislike, if instead I can choose to interact with people who don’t do this?
Well...
There is a chance that if I got enough practice at defending status, I might start enjoying it. Then, defending my status would no longer be a problem. And it might actually be very useful, because there are situations where you can’t avoid the status fights. Maybe the smart move would be to do this.
I don’t like that, though. My excuse is that I suspect that enjoying status battles could have some negative side effects. Like, I might automatically start doing it to people who don’t like it, without noticing. But maybe this is pure rationalization. At this moment I simply prefer interactions without status fights, and I am too lazy to practice them.
Interesting. I guess different people have different preferences, because what I value at my rationalist group is that we avoid similar kinds of status displays. Do that kind of “put your arm around me”, and I’ll discreetly ask my friends to next time meet somewhere else where you are not invited.
I wonder how other people in the group feel about that, though, so next time I’m with them I will ask them. I assume that our behavior norms resemble our preferences. Anyway, potentially interesting topic for a discussion.
EDIT:
Okay, I asked, and the reactions were like: (1) “My response would be: ‘Take it off, or I will break it off.’” (2) It is okay, if it is also possible the other way round in another situation.
Yep.
I know that it’s irrational, so I try to let it go when it happens casually, but when people touch me like that, I get furious instantly.
It is a status move. You either defend your status, or accept the status loss.
For people who enjoy status fights, defending their status may be simple and enjoyable. But I am not one of them.
For people who enjoy having low status, losing status may be enjoyable. But I am not one of them.
There is also the option of defending my status without enjoying it (or losing my status without enjoying it), but why would I do the things I dislike, if instead I can choose to interact with people who don’t do this?
Well...
There is a chance that if I got enough practice at defending status, I might start enjoying it. Then, defending my status would no longer be a problem. And it might actually be very useful, because there are situations where you can’t avoid the status fights. Maybe the smart move would be to do this.
I don’t like that, though. My excuse is that I suspect that enjoying status battles could have some negative side effects. Like, I might automatically start doing it to people who don’t like it, without noticing. But maybe this is pure rationalization. At this moment I simply prefer interactions without status fights, and I am too lazy to practice them.