[EDIT, was intended as a response to Raemon, not Dagon.]
Maybe it’s the way you phrase the responses. But as described, I get the impression that this norm would mainly work for relatively extroverted persons with low rejection sensitivity.
I’d be much less likely to ever try to join a discussion (and would tend to not attend events with such a norm). But maybe there’s a way to avoid this, both from “my side” and “yours”.
Hmm, seems like important feedback. I had specifically been trying to phrase the responses in a way that addressed this specific problem. Sounds like it didn’t work.
There is some intrinsic rejection going on here, which probably no amount of kind wording can alleviate for a rejection-sensitive person.
For my “sorry, we’re keeping the convo small” bit, I suggested:
smile warmly and say “hey, sorry we’re kinda in a high context conversation right now. Listening is fine but probably don’t join.”
The Smile Warmly part was meant to be a pretty active ingredient, helping to reassure them it isn’t personal.
Another thing that seems pretty important, is that this applies to all newcomers, even your friends and High Status People. (i.e. hopefully if Anxious Alex gets turned away, but later sees High Status Bob also get turned away, they get reassured a bit that this wasn’t about them)
[EDIT, was intended as a response to Raemon, not Dagon.]
Maybe it’s the way you phrase the responses. But as described, I get the impression that this norm would mainly work for relatively extroverted persons with low rejection sensitivity.
I’d be much less likely to ever try to join a discussion (and would tend to not attend events with such a norm). But maybe there’s a way to avoid this, both from “my side” and “yours”.
Hmm, seems like important feedback. I had specifically been trying to phrase the responses in a way that addressed this specific problem. Sounds like it didn’t work.
There is some intrinsic rejection going on here, which probably no amount of kind wording can alleviate for a rejection-sensitive person.
For my “sorry, we’re keeping the convo small” bit, I suggested:
The Smile Warmly part was meant to be a pretty active ingredient, helping to reassure them it isn’t personal.
Another thing that seems pretty important, is that this applies to all newcomers, even your friends and High Status People. (i.e. hopefully if Anxious Alex gets turned away, but later sees High Status Bob also get turned away, they get reassured a bit that this wasn’t about them)