It doesn’t lead to more abuse among people who didn’t want to abuse others in the first place. But for people who already wanted to abuse others, this creates additional plausible deniability; it allows them to shift the blame to the victim: “hey, I never promised not to do X, and they never asked me not to do X, so it’s okay by the rules of your group, right?”, where X is some rare ugly behavior that you automatically expect nice people not to do, but it doesn’t come to your mind when you explicitly negotiate the boundaries.
When it comes to physical contact “ask culture” doesn’t mean it’s okay for me to touch a woman’s private parts unless she asks me not to touch them. It generally means that instead of guessing whether or not I’m allowed to touch, I have to ask whether I’m allowed to touch.
and it would be quite reasonable to blame the party that pierced the condom, even if they could defend themselves that technically they followed the rules of the “tell culture” to the letter.
I don’t think any community that runs on tell culture or ask culture would in this case suggest that’s okay to pierce the condom.
It seems to me like you are arguing against a strawman.
In tell culture withholding relevant information that the other person needs would be a violation of the tell standards.
By the way, I find it amusing that on some level this whole website is about how to have the “tell culture” with a superhuman artificial intelligence. And how difficult it is to consent to the right things.
When it comes to physical contact “ask culture” doesn’t mean it’s okay for me to touch a woman’s private parts unless she asks me not to touch them.
By unspoken assumptions I mean something like this: Is it okay if you afterwards write a blog with detailed descriptions of the sex you had? Is it okay if you simultaneously date her sister / mother / daughter without telling her? (Let’s assume that your explicit agreement was “each of us can have other partners, no need to tell each other”, but she absolutely didn’t expect it could be anyone in her family.) Is it okay if you afterwards tell her that you had sex with her just to win a public bet on a prediction market? Neither of these things violate the explicit agreement you had.
In tell culture withholding relevant information that the other person needs would be a violation of the tell standards.
And how exactly would the “information that the other person needs” be determined, without some cultural assumption? Is it okay if I forget to mention that I am a Sagittarius, or a 1⁄64 black person, or a trans woman, or that I voted for Trump?
Let’s assume that your explicit agreement was “each of us can have other partners, no need to tell each other”
That’s not how an agreement of someone who practices tell culture looks like. It starts with the fact that in tell culture you usually don’t make agreement not to tell each other things because both participants value exchange of information.
Secondly oeople in guess culture might have an agreement that boils down to a single sentence but people who practice tell culture usually speak more about the expectations that they have.
And how exactly would the “information that the other person needs” be determined, without some cultural assumption?
I haven’t seen anybody who advocated that one should completely ignore cultural assumptions. Ask culture generally means, that you are allowed to ask for something like writing a blog post with detailed descriptions of the sex you had but it in no way implies that you can simply write the post because the other person hasn’t explicitly asked you not to write the post.
When it comes to physical contact “ask culture” doesn’t mean it’s okay for me to touch a woman’s private parts unless she asks me not to touch them. It generally means that instead of guessing whether or not I’m allowed to touch, I have to ask whether I’m allowed to touch.
I don’t think any community that runs on tell culture or ask culture would in this case suggest that’s okay to pierce the condom. It seems to me like you are arguing against a strawman.
In tell culture withholding relevant information that the other person needs would be a violation of the tell standards.
By the way, I find it amusing that on some level this whole website is about how to have the “tell culture” with a superhuman artificial intelligence. And how difficult it is to consent to the right things.
By unspoken assumptions I mean something like this: Is it okay if you afterwards write a blog with detailed descriptions of the sex you had? Is it okay if you simultaneously date her sister / mother / daughter without telling her? (Let’s assume that your explicit agreement was “each of us can have other partners, no need to tell each other”, but she absolutely didn’t expect it could be anyone in her family.) Is it okay if you afterwards tell her that you had sex with her just to win a public bet on a prediction market? Neither of these things violate the explicit agreement you had.
And how exactly would the “information that the other person needs” be determined, without some cultural assumption? Is it okay if I forget to mention that I am a Sagittarius, or a 1⁄64 black person, or a trans woman, or that I voted for Trump?
That’s not how an agreement of someone who practices tell culture looks like. It starts with the fact that in tell culture you usually don’t make agreement not to tell each other things because both participants value exchange of information.
Secondly oeople in guess culture might have an agreement that boils down to a single sentence but people who practice tell culture usually speak more about the expectations that they have.
I haven’t seen anybody who advocated that one should completely ignore cultural assumptions. Ask culture generally means, that you are allowed to ask for something like writing a blog post with detailed descriptions of the sex you had but it in no way implies that you can simply write the post because the other person hasn’t explicitly asked you not to write the post.