The only real question should be then whether you ask her not to tell other kids.
I really do not like the idea of encouraging children to lie to their peers. If forced to choose between lying to children about Santa, and encouraging them to lie, I think I would choose to lie to them.
Why is it better for an adult to lie to a child than for a child to lie to other children? I mean, they’re both wrong, but I’m not sure that I agree it’s better to violate a child’s belief that their parents are a trustworthy source than to encourage a bad habit (lying) in the child. After all, by that argument, sometimes it is better to lie. Not that a child young enough to seriously entertain the possibility of Santa is going to understand the distinction, but I think that the best option is the third one: tell them the truth (“fairy tale” works pretty well; a parent already needs to explain the concept of fiction) and don’t tell them to lie (you can tell them that other people might be upset if you tell them the truth, but that feels like a sort of weighty idea to drop on a young child).
Agreed, though it’s not so much about “owing” them the truth as it is to prove their instinct to trust you right, not wrong. A much stronger foundation for your future parental relationship.
The only real question should be then whether you ask her not to tell other kids.
“Some people like to believe that such stories are real. Believing the story makes them happy, like when you pretend-play you’re Darth Vader in Star Wars. They may become sad, or even mad at you, if you tell them the truth. That’s why when you hear someone say something wrong, you don’t have to correct him/her right away. However, if you are asked for your opinion, you can tell them the truth. If people become angry at you because you answered truthfully, you tell daddy, and he’s gonna beat them with a stick, ahem, and he’s gonna talk to them.”
I don’t want her to lie or believe falsehoods, but I cannot just say “it’s a lie most adults tell children” (yet). Aside from her ability to understand such a complicated statement, there are other, very catholic, children in the family. Children, who got two cardboard versions of the Bible for their second birthday (because the first one was still too advanced). I think the “fairy-tale of Claus” does this quite well.
The thing is all of the other takes on this topic start from a point, when a child (usually 5-9 years old) asks “Is Santa real?” Nobody yet asked “how to raise my child Santa-free?” What to say, when a two-year-old, who just noticed that there is this character on TV asks “will he come to me, too?” A toddler may not yet understand the concept of lie, of pretending, of things not physically existing. (I think I’ll just add this part to the post)
For the sake of adding one additional data point to the discussion: my parents told me Santa Claus didn’t exist. I don’t remember being harmed by that knowledge.
But this is one of the things that’s hard to say without either having children of having studied their psychology (and I have done neither). But personally I’d choose to tell them the truth.
Children have deepseated evolved instincts to trust what adults tell them.
I think that, at the very least, that statement is far too broad, because it ignores stranger anxiety. Did you mean “what parents (or the equivalent figures) tell them”?
Just tell her the truth. Don’t lie to children.
Children have deepseated evolved instincts to trust what adults tell them. One owes it to them to return that instinct with the truth.
The only real question should be then whether you ask her not to tell other kids.
I really do not like the idea of encouraging children to lie to their peers. If forced to choose between lying to children about Santa, and encouraging them to lie, I think I would choose to lie to them.
Why is it better for an adult to lie to a child than for a child to lie to other children? I mean, they’re both wrong, but I’m not sure that I agree it’s better to violate a child’s belief that their parents are a trustworthy source than to encourage a bad habit (lying) in the child. After all, by that argument, sometimes it is better to lie. Not that a child young enough to seriously entertain the possibility of Santa is going to understand the distinction, but I think that the best option is the third one: tell them the truth (“fairy tale” works pretty well; a parent already needs to explain the concept of fiction) and don’t tell them to lie (you can tell them that other people might be upset if you tell them the truth, but that feels like a sort of weighty idea to drop on a young child).
Agreed, though it’s not so much about “owing” them the truth as it is to prove their instinct to trust you right, not wrong. A much stronger foundation for your future parental relationship.
“Some people like to believe that such stories are real. Believing the story makes them happy, like when you pretend-play you’re Darth Vader in Star Wars. They may become sad, or even mad at you, if you tell them the truth. That’s why when you hear someone say something wrong, you don’t have to correct him/her right away. However, if you are asked for your opinion, you can tell them the truth. If people become angry at you because you answered truthfully, you tell daddy, and he’s gonna beat them with a stick, ahem, and he’s gonna talk to them.”
Freud would have loved that.
I don’t want her to lie or believe falsehoods, but I cannot just say “it’s a lie most adults tell children” (yet). Aside from her ability to understand such a complicated statement, there are other, very catholic, children in the family. Children, who got two cardboard versions of the Bible for their second birthday (because the first one was still too advanced). I think the “fairy-tale of Claus” does this quite well.
The thing is all of the other takes on this topic start from a point, when a child (usually 5-9 years old) asks “Is Santa real?” Nobody yet asked “how to raise my child Santa-free?” What to say, when a two-year-old, who just noticed that there is this character on TV asks “will he come to me, too?” A toddler may not yet understand the concept of lie, of pretending, of things not physically existing. (I think I’ll just add this part to the post)
Kinda-sorta relevant.
For the sake of adding one additional data point to the discussion: my parents told me Santa Claus didn’t exist. I don’t remember being harmed by that knowledge.
But this is one of the things that’s hard to say without either having children of having studied their psychology (and I have done neither). But personally I’d choose to tell them the truth.
How would you phrase that truth to a 2-year old?
I request evidence for the following assertion:
I think that, at the very least, that statement is far too broad, because it ignores stranger anxiety. Did you mean “what parents (or the equivalent figures) tell them”?
Yes, replace “adults” with “parents/equivalent figures”.