One factor to consider is that all your daughter’s peers will believe in Santa, and it’s hard for a young kid to understand why all their friends’ parents think something different than their parents. I’d tell her presents come from Santa, and then when she asks tell her that Mom and Dad are Santa.
This is what my parents did, and I remember figuring out for myself that Santa didn’t exist was an exciting moment. Challenging Santa-belief requires you to notice confusion (why do poor kids not get good presents from Santa, when they need them more? how does Santa get to all those houses in one night?), come up with a better alternative, and figure out whether your alternative is right (which I did by asking “Mommy, are you and Daddy Santa?”), all while ignoring conformity pressures.. That’s an incredibly valuable lesson,and I don’t know anyone who felt lied to by their parents when they figured it out.
I’m not convinced that I’d need to lie to her to meet your concerns. I.e., If I go forward with keeping silent, I expect she will still be exposed to Santa from daycare staff, other kids, my parents, etc. and will most likely believe in Santa and so the conflict of her beliefs being different from others wouldn’t be until she questioned me about it and by that time she would hopefully be mature enough to understand how to respect others beliefs. (and she would still get to notice confusion, etc. as well)
However, without me lying to her, she would most likely come to that conclusion sooner than her peers and so that’s still something to consider. However, if everyone will encounter beliefs that differ from their own, doesn’t it make sense to plan with the end in mind and prepare her from the start rather than base my decision on the convenience and conventions of other people? Perhaps I am being too black and white in my beliefs and am also not taking into account what is possible for a 3 or 4 year old to learn.
I think the strategy you currently outlined makes sense, and it certainly wasn’t my intent to convince you to lie to her. I think figuring out Santa for yourself does provide good lessons, but your method seems to be a good third alternative.
One factor to consider is that all your daughter’s peers will believe in Santa, and it’s hard for a young kid to understand why all their friends’ parents think something different than their parents. I’d tell her presents come from Santa, and then when she asks tell her that Mom and Dad are Santa.
This is what my parents did, and I remember figuring out for myself that Santa didn’t exist was an exciting moment. Challenging Santa-belief requires you to notice confusion (why do poor kids not get good presents from Santa, when they need them more? how does Santa get to all those houses in one night?), come up with a better alternative, and figure out whether your alternative is right (which I did by asking “Mommy, are you and Daddy Santa?”), all while ignoring conformity pressures.. That’s an incredibly valuable lesson,and I don’t know anyone who felt lied to by their parents when they figured it out.
Thanks KPier—I appreciate your comment.
I’m not convinced that I’d need to lie to her to meet your concerns. I.e., If I go forward with keeping silent, I expect she will still be exposed to Santa from daycare staff, other kids, my parents, etc. and will most likely believe in Santa and so the conflict of her beliefs being different from others wouldn’t be until she questioned me about it and by that time she would hopefully be mature enough to understand how to respect others beliefs. (and she would still get to notice confusion, etc. as well)
However, without me lying to her, she would most likely come to that conclusion sooner than her peers and so that’s still something to consider. However, if everyone will encounter beliefs that differ from their own, doesn’t it make sense to plan with the end in mind and prepare her from the start rather than base my decision on the convenience and conventions of other people? Perhaps I am being too black and white in my beliefs and am also not taking into account what is possible for a 3 or 4 year old to learn.
I think the strategy you currently outlined makes sense, and it certainly wasn’t my intent to convince you to lie to her. I think figuring out Santa for yourself does provide good lessons, but your method seems to be a good third alternative.