What’s your explanation/evidence for the viability of the strategy you describe?
Estimated mode among suitable strategies for a set of likely ‘Bobs’ based on an amalgamation of advice from experts of various levels of credibility and the findings of vaguely remembered behavioral psychology studies. Basically you asked a question that is ridiculously hard to optimize for but relatively easy to satisfice.
(Although I am reminded of an anecdote of a female lesswrong commenter who wrote “If the first date doesn’t go well [(ie. there is no sex)] what makes you think there
would be a second?”)
The explanation of the important element is that most (sane) guys will lose interest in a girl who isn’t displaying sexual interest. But for the majority of guys of the kind who are looking for long term relationships the displays of interest don’t need to be in the form of sex straight away. In fact, there is a whole baseball metaphor of things other than sex which can be of interest and that is only including basic physical boundaries.
Also, what should Sally say when explaining her decision to delay?
Say? Like… with actual words? I suppose she could do that. Just so long as she also conveys the right message with her actions, her eyes, the subtext and tone of her irrelevant conversation and her body language. But there are cliches for this kind of situation aren’t there? “I really like you, let’s not rush this” or, if she (or he) can stomach it, “I want our first time to be special”.
Just so long as the message conveyed is “I want to tear your clothes off and do nasty things to your body. But I’m not going to because I’m a good girl (or respectful self constrained guy or whatever). At least I’m not going to yet but if I do I will blow your mind. You should definitely keep courting me and increase your emotional attachment and psychological investment. If you have sunk that much cost into what is evidently a scarce resource then I must be worth it!”
Estimated mode among suitable strategies for a set of likely ‘Bobs’ based on an amalgamation of advice from experts of various levels of credibility and the findings of vaguely remembered behavioral psychology studies. Basically you asked a question that is ridiculously hard to optimize for but relatively easy to satisfice.
(Although I am reminded of an anecdote of a female lesswrong commenter who wrote “If the first date doesn’t go well [(ie. there is no sex)] what makes you think there would be a second?”)
The explanation of the important element is that most (sane) guys will lose interest in a girl who isn’t displaying sexual interest. But for the majority of guys of the kind who are looking for long term relationships the displays of interest don’t need to be in the form of sex straight away. In fact, there is a whole baseball metaphor of things other than sex which can be of interest and that is only including basic physical boundaries.
Say? Like… with actual words? I suppose she could do that. Just so long as she also conveys the right message with her actions, her eyes, the subtext and tone of her irrelevant conversation and her body language. But there are cliches for this kind of situation aren’t there? “I really like you, let’s not rush this” or, if she (or he) can stomach it, “I want our first time to be special”.
Just so long as the message conveyed is “I want to tear your clothes off and do nasty things to your body. But I’m not going to because I’m a good girl (or respectful self constrained guy or whatever). At least I’m not going to yet but if I do I will blow your mind. You should definitely keep courting me and increase your emotional attachment and psychological investment. If you have sunk that much cost into what is evidently a scarce resource then I must be worth it!”