I think that sharing subjective experience is pretty intimate. It’s a lot like nonviolent communication, now that I think about it. Or maybe they’re closely related?
In nonviolent communication, you scrupulously avoid the mind projection fallacy in dealing with other people, and you end up talking about your feelings and experiences a lot. This is usually put to a sort of pedestrian use, which is some equivalent of “when you do this thing, I feel bad in some way.” But this is not its only use… just its least intimate one. Consider what it would be like to actually say to someone “when you lean against me while we’re reading, it makes me incredibly happpy, and I feel like my chest is filling up with comfort and contentment.” Or maybe that’s too easy, since it sounds like romantic words one might say to a partner you’re already intimate with. Can you imagine saying to a friend “When we make eye contact after laughing at a joke together, I feel carefree, like I’ve just put down my burdens for a while.”
It seems like that’s just too intimate to be possible—it’s shocking that you could say that series of syllables and not burst into flames. You’d have to immediately defuse it by acting very normal. Maybe follow with “It’s great” to return to the safe process of making value judgments rather than trying to communicate experience. Hm, or maybe it’s just that continuing in such a way provides solid conversational ground, while people don’t have a ready response to someone telling them about their positive feelings in responses to their actions, except maybe feeling put on the spot to reciprocate.
I think that sharing subjective experience is pretty intimate. It’s a lot like nonviolent communication, now that I think about it. Or maybe they’re closely related?
In nonviolent communication, you scrupulously avoid the mind projection fallacy in dealing with other people, and you end up talking about your feelings and experiences a lot. This is usually put to a sort of pedestrian use, which is some equivalent of “when you do this thing, I feel bad in some way.” But this is not its only use… just its least intimate one. Consider what it would be like to actually say to someone “when you lean against me while we’re reading, it makes me incredibly happpy, and I feel like my chest is filling up with comfort and contentment.” Or maybe that’s too easy, since it sounds like romantic words one might say to a partner you’re already intimate with. Can you imagine saying to a friend “When we make eye contact after laughing at a joke together, I feel carefree, like I’ve just put down my burdens for a while.”
It seems like that’s just too intimate to be possible—it’s shocking that you could say that series of syllables and not burst into flames. You’d have to immediately defuse it by acting very normal. Maybe follow with “It’s great” to return to the safe process of making value judgments rather than trying to communicate experience. Hm, or maybe it’s just that continuing in such a way provides solid conversational ground, while people don’t have a ready response to someone telling them about their positive feelings in responses to their actions, except maybe feeling put on the spot to reciprocate.