Is my not having direction a reasonable, youth-related status (is 22 that young?), or a sign that I’ve been doing something horribly wrong?
Very much possible. High school usually doesn’t prepare you to really be able to identify your goals and capabilities, and therefore to choose a career. Usually it’s at college that you have to confront with reality for the first time.
My lack of understanding in something is definitely correlated to how much, on a face-value level, I like something. It can’t just be the online interfaces themselves.
In my personal experience it really takes a lot of time to completely make sense of the full picture of physics (and particle physics in particular). There are a few things that you can immediately understand, and other that make sense only when they come together to form a bigger puzzle. It’s also perfectly natural to feel frustrated when you’re stuck doing something you don’t fully understand.
Does every potential physicist ask themselves these questions?
In my observations, at least half of them do. The other half either did a lot of previous research on the subject and are really convinced of what they’re doing, or simply don’t care.
All in all, what it looks like to me is that you’re confronted with a difficult decision (basically, what to do for the rest of your life), and are confused by some amount of opposite evidence. I don’t know you well enough to make an overall suggestion, but for the physics related part, it appears that you just realized that, well.. it’s a tough subject. “Physics is a tough subject” is kind of a “mysterious answer”: you don’t really know what that means until you begin to study it. So, I’m not going to deny it: learning physics can at times be boring ad discouraging. But once everything “clicks” and fall into its place, it’s a beautiful moment. If you enjoy those moments, then you will enjoy physics.
Very much possible. High school usually doesn’t prepare you to really be able to identify your goals and capabilities, and therefore to choose a career. Usually it’s at college that you have to confront with reality for the first time.
In my personal experience it really takes a lot of time to completely make sense of the full picture of physics (and particle physics in particular). There are a few things that you can immediately understand, and other that make sense only when they come together to form a bigger puzzle. It’s also perfectly natural to feel frustrated when you’re stuck doing something you don’t fully understand.
In my observations, at least half of them do. The other half either did a lot of previous research on the subject and are really convinced of what they’re doing, or simply don’t care.
All in all, what it looks like to me is that you’re confronted with a difficult decision (basically, what to do for the rest of your life), and are confused by some amount of opposite evidence. I don’t know you well enough to make an overall suggestion, but for the physics related part, it appears that you just realized that, well.. it’s a tough subject. “Physics is a tough subject” is kind of a “mysterious answer”: you don’t really know what that means until you begin to study it. So, I’m not going to deny it: learning physics can at times be boring ad discouraging. But once everything “clicks” and fall into its place, it’s a beautiful moment. If you enjoy those moments, then you will enjoy physics.
I hope I have been helpful.