Here is another example of the way that pragmatism and idealism interact for me, from the world of pickup:
I was brought up with up with the value of gender equality, and with a proscription against dominating women or being a “jerk.”
When I got into pickup and seduction, I encountered the theory that certain masculine behaviors, including social dominance, are a factor in female attraction to men. This theory matched my observation of many women’s behavior.
While I was uncomfortable with the notion of displaying stereotypically masculine behavior (e.g. “hegemonic masculinity” from feminist theory) and acting in a dominant manner towards women, I decided to give it a try. I found that it worked. Yet I still didn’t like certain types of masculine and dominance displays, and the type of interactions they created with women (even while “working” in terms of attraction and not being obviously unethical), so I started experimenting and practicing styles less reliant on dominance.
I found that there were ways of attracting women that worked quite well, and didn’t depend on dominance and a narrow version of masculinity. It just took a bit of practice and creativity, and I needed my other pickup tools to be able to pull it off. Practicing a traditional form of masculinity got me the social experience necessary to figure out ways to drop that sort of masculinity.
In conclusion, I eventually affirmed my value of having equal interactions with women and avoiding dominating them. And I discovered “field tested” ways to attain success with women while adhering to that value, so I confirmed that it wasn’t a silly, pie-in-the-sky ideal.
I call this an empirical approach to selecting and accomplishing a value.
Here is another example of the way that pragmatism and idealism interact for me, from the world of pickup:
I was brought up with up with the value of gender equality, and with a proscription against dominating women or being a “jerk.”
When I got into pickup and seduction, I encountered the theory that certain masculine behaviors, including social dominance, are a factor in female attraction to men. This theory matched my observation of many women’s behavior.
While I was uncomfortable with the notion of displaying stereotypically masculine behavior (e.g. “hegemonic masculinity” from feminist theory) and acting in a dominant manner towards women, I decided to give it a try. I found that it worked. Yet I still didn’t like certain types of masculine and dominance displays, and the type of interactions they created with women (even while “working” in terms of attraction and not being obviously unethical), so I started experimenting and practicing styles less reliant on dominance.
I found that there were ways of attracting women that worked quite well, and didn’t depend on dominance and a narrow version of masculinity. It just took a bit of practice and creativity, and I needed my other pickup tools to be able to pull it off. Practicing a traditional form of masculinity got me the social experience necessary to figure out ways to drop that sort of masculinity.
In conclusion, I eventually affirmed my value of having equal interactions with women and avoiding dominating them. And I discovered “field tested” ways to attain success with women while adhering to that value, so I confirmed that it wasn’t a silly, pie-in-the-sky ideal.
I call this an empirical approach to selecting and accomplishing a value.