I had the high school resume to get into highly selective universities. For financial reasons, I instead went to my flagship state university. I expected the big fish in small pond effect to play to my advantage, and I did develop a reputation as “(one of) the smartest student(s) in the room” (which I’ll at least admit was a boon to my romantic desirability), but the most salient result was extreme loneliness. I wasn’t able to find many people I could have stimulating conversation with, and while I did make a few friends, none of them shared my degree of passion for intellectual subjects. This summer I’ve been at Hacker School, which I think is a correctly-sized pond for me, but the damage to my mood and social expectations from three years of being stuck in too small a pond has definitely impeded my ability to make friends and feel socially engaged. As of right now I’m attempting to find a job as a software developer so I can drop out of college in relative security, because college is that intolerable and I think I have a much better chance of finding more correctly-sized ponds on this path. (Transferring to a more selective university is still not a financial burden I’m willing to accept.)
I guess the takeaway here might be: while a small pond of the right size can have its advantages, larger ponds are much more likely to help you grow more, and ponds that are too small can be absolutely crushing. If finding a smaller pond consists of moving away from your current large pond, be extremely careful that it’s not too small.
I also went to a state university (Rutgers). I was in an Honors program (in engineering) with plenty of other smart students, but I was still often one of the best academically in the room. I didn’t feel much of a “small pond” effect there; when I drifted away from the friends I made in my first year, it was for other reasons.
Rutgers is a better university than mine. Studying engineering in the honors program I still felt very alone. I’m glad it (sounds like?) you felt like you fit in there somewhat. Still, it’s very possible to underestimate the size of the minimum-sized pond you’ll be able to flourish in. “Lonely at the top” and all that.
I made a similar trade-off, and was surprised by the social and academic downsides. I took a full-ride to a large party-school in a small town. I’ve tried really hard to fit in, but I’ve either failed to be socially accepted, or been socially accepted but failed to self-modify enough to enjoy it. It feels like crap to suck at making friends in an environment that’s explicitly optimized for making friends.
I do great one-on-one over coffee, (which I think is why I’ve been fairly successful romantically), but there’s little social oxygen left over for that, and it’s been an uphill battle to make any friends at all. I hope this isn’t arrogance or a refusal to affiliate. I’ve started going to religious groups to ward off loneliness, and I’m not even religious.
Academically, there are benefits to being one of the best students, but learning isn’t one of them. Everything is slow. You can study independently to challenge yourself and minimize the inefficiency of sitting in class and starting at the ceiling, but there are still overhead costs to be paid if you actually want a degree: Showing up for quizzes, taking prerequisites that you don’t need to take, completing assignments you didn’t need, etc. If you want to push yourself, you have to implement your own carrot and stick, because the reinforcements provided by the normal structure are too easy to control.
And you can never talk about any of this, because it’s arrogant and ungrateful, and because admitting that you think you’re above-average sounds like saying you think you’re above everyone, which you don’t think at all because you’re not stupid and because you go online and meet all the people at MIT who’ve been writing papers and doing research while you’ve been skipping as much class as possible because you can get away with it.
If you’re so smart...
On a happy note, the upside is free time and money, which is totally worth it if you spend them wisely, (especially the free time). But I second that you should consider the downsides of choosing too small of a pond, at least in certain areas, and even if status-competition is something that turns you off.
Anecdote time!
I had the high school resume to get into highly selective universities. For financial reasons, I instead went to my flagship state university. I expected the big fish in small pond effect to play to my advantage, and I did develop a reputation as “(one of) the smartest student(s) in the room” (which I’ll at least admit was a boon to my romantic desirability), but the most salient result was extreme loneliness. I wasn’t able to find many people I could have stimulating conversation with, and while I did make a few friends, none of them shared my degree of passion for intellectual subjects. This summer I’ve been at Hacker School, which I think is a correctly-sized pond for me, but the damage to my mood and social expectations from three years of being stuck in too small a pond has definitely impeded my ability to make friends and feel socially engaged. As of right now I’m attempting to find a job as a software developer so I can drop out of college in relative security, because college is that intolerable and I think I have a much better chance of finding more correctly-sized ponds on this path. (Transferring to a more selective university is still not a financial burden I’m willing to accept.)
I guess the takeaway here might be: while a small pond of the right size can have its advantages, larger ponds are much more likely to help you grow more, and ponds that are too small can be absolutely crushing. If finding a smaller pond consists of moving away from your current large pond, be extremely careful that it’s not too small.
I also went to a state university (Rutgers). I was in an Honors program (in engineering) with plenty of other smart students, but I was still often one of the best academically in the room. I didn’t feel much of a “small pond” effect there; when I drifted away from the friends I made in my first year, it was for other reasons.
Rutgers is a better university than mine. Studying engineering in the honors program I still felt very alone. I’m glad it (sounds like?) you felt like you fit in there somewhat. Still, it’s very possible to underestimate the size of the minimum-sized pond you’ll be able to flourish in. “Lonely at the top” and all that.
Catharsis Warning:
I made a similar trade-off, and was surprised by the social and academic downsides. I took a full-ride to a large party-school in a small town. I’ve tried really hard to fit in, but I’ve either failed to be socially accepted, or been socially accepted but failed to self-modify enough to enjoy it. It feels like crap to suck at making friends in an environment that’s explicitly optimized for making friends.
I do great one-on-one over coffee, (which I think is why I’ve been fairly successful romantically), but there’s little social oxygen left over for that, and it’s been an uphill battle to make any friends at all. I hope this isn’t arrogance or a refusal to affiliate. I’ve started going to religious groups to ward off loneliness, and I’m not even religious.
Academically, there are benefits to being one of the best students, but learning isn’t one of them. Everything is slow. You can study independently to challenge yourself and minimize the inefficiency of sitting in class and starting at the ceiling, but there are still overhead costs to be paid if you actually want a degree: Showing up for quizzes, taking prerequisites that you don’t need to take, completing assignments you didn’t need, etc. If you want to push yourself, you have to implement your own carrot and stick, because the reinforcements provided by the normal structure are too easy to control.
And you can never talk about any of this, because it’s arrogant and ungrateful, and because admitting that you think you’re above-average sounds like saying you think you’re above everyone, which you don’t think at all because you’re not stupid and because you go online and meet all the people at MIT who’ve been writing papers and doing research while you’ve been skipping as much class as possible because you can get away with it.
If you’re so smart...
On a happy note, the upside is free time and money, which is totally worth it if you spend them wisely, (especially the free time). But I second that you should consider the downsides of choosing too small of a pond, at least in certain areas, and even if status-competition is something that turns you off.