there is a lot of evidence that the quality of the relationship depends largely on the degree that the man has higher status
This sets off my alarm bells. While evidence for such an anti-egalitarian position is possible and may even be correct, your assertion is general enough that it requires a great deal of supporting evidence. And such evidence is not generally acknowledged in the academic literature on the topic, so far as I’ve read, so I’m doubly skeptical.
You’re also equating status with physical attractiveness, which is demonstrably not true, especially in men (in modern American society).
In polyamory as practiced by foragers and the urban dating carousel, women strife to ‘date up’ (again in overall attractiveness) as far as they can, and men try to date as many as they can. Before people settle down or actually fall in love, women maximize quality and men maximize quantity.
While this may be an accurate description in general of how people have evolved to behave, it’s not “polyamory” as I understand it. Polyamory can be thought of as a conscious, explicit attempt to fight these natural tendencies.
Polyamory as popularly defined is basically a kick in the teeth to evolution. The reason that I brought it up here in the first place is that it is an attempt to use rationality to overcome perceived deficiencies in how we’ve evolved to form relationships. More than anything else, poly is seeing a love triangle in a movie and demanding to know why “both” isn’t an option.
Polygamy by definition involves relationships in which one man has several wives. Polyamory excludes those relationships as unegalitarian (generally; there are always exceptions). You can continue to argue about evolutionary psychology if you want, but that field can never tell us what we should do, only who we are (and even then it’s very easy to get it wrong).
Polygamy by definition involves relationships in which one man has several wives.
Not necessarily. The fraternal polyandry practiced in Tibet is polygamy, and it would still be polygamy even if it were the only kind of polygamy in the world. You seem to mean “polygyny”.
Thank you for the correction; I was indeed speaking of polygyny.
The principle of my point still holds for polygamy, however. Polyandry is no more egalitarian than polygyny; any relationship in which only one person is permitted to have other partners lies outside polyamory’s accepted definition.
This sets off my alarm bells. While evidence for such an anti-egalitarian position is possible and may even be correct, your assertion is general enough that it requires a great deal of supporting evidence. And such evidence is not generally acknowledged in the academic literature on the topic, so far as I’ve read, so I’m doubly skeptical.
You’re also equating status with physical attractiveness, which is demonstrably not true, especially in men (in modern American society).
del
While this may be an accurate description in general of how people have evolved to behave, it’s not “polyamory” as I understand it. Polyamory can be thought of as a conscious, explicit attempt to fight these natural tendencies.
del
Polyamory as popularly defined is basically a kick in the teeth to evolution. The reason that I brought it up here in the first place is that it is an attempt to use rationality to overcome perceived deficiencies in how we’ve evolved to form relationships. More than anything else, poly is seeing a love triangle in a movie and demanding to know why “both” isn’t an option.
Polygamy by definition involves relationships in which one man has several wives. Polyamory excludes those relationships as unegalitarian (generally; there are always exceptions). You can continue to argue about evolutionary psychology if you want, but that field can never tell us what we should do, only who we are (and even then it’s very easy to get it wrong).
Not necessarily. The fraternal polyandry practiced in Tibet is polygamy, and it would still be polygamy even if it were the only kind of polygamy in the world. You seem to mean “polygyny”.
Thank you for the correction; I was indeed speaking of polygyny.
The principle of my point still holds for polygamy, however. Polyandry is no more egalitarian than polygyny; any relationship in which only one person is permitted to have other partners lies outside polyamory’s accepted definition.
I often wonder about that, too.