It’s not so much always wondering if I could do better, as it is having a long list of things I’d like to have in a partner (having an interest in Singularity stuff, having certain hobbies, having certain kinks, and so on and so on). Empirical results so far suggest that a really good match can fulfill maybe 85% of the things on the list, but nobody can fulfill every point, especially since some of the things are mutually exclusive. I’d like to have somewhat with a sciency sort of background for the shared way of thinking about things, and someone with background in the humanities for a way of thinking about things that’s different from mine. (One could have both backgrounds, of course, but such people are rather rare.) I like kids but wouldn’t want to live with them, so I’d like a partner with kids who doesn’t live with me, and for all the usual reasons I’d also like to have a partner who does live with me. There are probably also some other mutual exclusions I’m not consciously aware of.
If I were monogamous, I’d have to settle on a single person and then spend time wondering whether this particular combination of things I want is the one making me the most happy. With poly, I can just look for a combination of people who together satisfy everything on the list. Not that I wouldn’t be happy even in a situation where only 85% (say) of the things were fulfilled, but fulfilling more would make me even more happy.
(I don’t really draw a sharp line between romantic partners and close friends, and find such a division slightly artificial in the first place. I prefer to just count both of them as members of my ‘extended family’.)
Sex is often associated with being in a romantic relationship, but I could also easily imagine being in a “friends with benefits” type of situation with someone, or being romantically involved with someone asexual. The asexuality wouldn’t necessarily even need to come only from their side—I’ve occasionally been somewhat smitten by specific men, despite having had little to no sexual interest in them.
It’s not so much always wondering if I could do better, as it is having a long list of things I’d like to have in a partner (having an interest in Singularity stuff, having certain hobbies, having certain kinks, and so on and so on). Empirical results so far suggest that a really good match can fulfill maybe 85% of the things on the list, but nobody can fulfill every point, especially since some of the things are mutually exclusive. I’d like to have somewhat with a sciency sort of background for the shared way of thinking about things, and someone with background in the humanities for a way of thinking about things that’s different from mine. (One could have both backgrounds, of course, but such people are rather rare.) I like kids but wouldn’t want to live with them, so I’d like a partner with kids who doesn’t live with me, and for all the usual reasons I’d also like to have a partner who does live with me. There are probably also some other mutual exclusions I’m not consciously aware of.
If I were monogamous, I’d have to settle on a single person and then spend time wondering whether this particular combination of things I want is the one making me the most happy. With poly, I can just look for a combination of people who together satisfy everything on the list. Not that I wouldn’t be happy even in a situation where only 85% (say) of the things were fulfilled, but fulfilling more would make me even more happy.
(I don’t really draw a sharp line between romantic partners and close friends, and find such a division slightly artificial in the first place. I prefer to just count both of them as members of my ‘extended family’.)
Well, there’s a division between the ones you connect with sexually and the ones you don’t, isn’t there?
Sex is often associated with being in a romantic relationship, but I could also easily imagine being in a “friends with benefits” type of situation with someone, or being romantically involved with someone asexual. The asexuality wouldn’t necessarily even need to come only from their side—I’ve occasionally been somewhat smitten by specific men, despite having had little to no sexual interest in them.