4 - A lot of pick-up artistry seems to be focused on the bar/club scene. This might be a reasonable place to find a one-night stand, if you know the unspoken etiquette (I don’t, so I can’t comment); if this is what you’re after, then best of luck to you. But clubs and bars are really terrible places to find anything longer-term: they’re loud, they’re crowded, everyone’s drunk, and women in particular tend to have their guard up, as they’re used to incessant unwanted advances. Also, under the assumption that most of the people here will want to find interesting, intelligent partners, just ask yourself what percentage of the general population actually fits this description, and with a bit of calculation I think you’ll find the odds are against you.
How you find a more suitable environment depends a great deal on what your interests are and what kinds of people you relate to best, but basically you want to find a community of some sort. I DO NOT recommend joining a community just to pick people up (unless it’s the swinger community or something like that) - see #6. However, if your social skills are especially poor, you might want to aim for a community that is especially accepting of social rejects. Geek communities and some hippie and anarchist communities are a reasonable bet; I’m sure there are others as well. Use this as a springboard; ideally you want to be a part of, or at least linked to, many communities. Attend interesting events and chat with people, and if you don’t find any common ground for a conversation, then no loss; just move on.
Now, you don’t want to go out looking for Bayesian statisticians and walk away from people who can’t recite the Sequences. If you really want to understand what makes people tick, you should also make an effort to be interested in what they’re interested in. This will promote cognitive flexibility and expand your conversational repertoire in addition to exposing you to broader walks of life. You might even discover opportunities to genuinely and concretely make the world a better place (big turn on!).
3 - Your goal, now, is to make friends and contacts, not lovers. If you’re still keeping up that flirtation, sex will happen anyway, once in awhile, as if by accident. Unless you’re insatiable, this should be enough to keep your sex drive satisfied. Some of it will be good, some of it won’t be so good, and often it won’t continue past the first few times. There’s nothing wrong with this; you’re learning in the process, both about what you like and don’t like, and also about how to be a better lover (more on this later, see #1).
Here’s where you want to start to be careful. It is an all-too-common mistake to commit to a relationship (monogamous or otherwise), or—far worse! - to assume you’re in a relationship, after the first sexual encounter. You’ll want to remain aware and responsive to your own feelings and to the signals you’re getting from your partner; don’t define things too soon, give it at least a month or two to see what it becomes. If you find you sleep with the same person several times and you start spending more time together, you’ll probably want to have a discussion about your respective desires (more about this later). Proceed gently.
4 - A lot of pick-up artistry seems to be focused on the bar/club scene. This might be a reasonable place to find a one-night stand, if you know the unspoken etiquette (I don’t, so I can’t comment); if this is what you’re after, then best of luck to you. But clubs and bars are really terrible places to find anything longer-term: they’re loud, they’re crowded, everyone’s drunk, and women in particular tend to have their guard up, as they’re used to incessant unwanted advances. Also, under the assumption that most of the people here will want to find interesting, intelligent partners, just ask yourself what percentage of the general population actually fits this description, and with a bit of calculation I think you’ll find the odds are against you.
How you find a more suitable environment depends a great deal on what your interests are and what kinds of people you relate to best, but basically you want to find a community of some sort. I DO NOT recommend joining a community just to pick people up (unless it’s the swinger community or something like that) - see #6. However, if your social skills are especially poor, you might want to aim for a community that is especially accepting of social rejects. Geek communities and some hippie and anarchist communities are a reasonable bet; I’m sure there are others as well. Use this as a springboard; ideally you want to be a part of, or at least linked to, many communities. Attend interesting events and chat with people, and if you don’t find any common ground for a conversation, then no loss; just move on.
Now, you don’t want to go out looking for Bayesian statisticians and walk away from people who can’t recite the Sequences. If you really want to understand what makes people tick, you should also make an effort to be interested in what they’re interested in. This will promote cognitive flexibility and expand your conversational repertoire in addition to exposing you to broader walks of life. You might even discover opportunities to genuinely and concretely make the world a better place (big turn on!).
3 - Your goal, now, is to make friends and contacts, not lovers. If you’re still keeping up that flirtation, sex will happen anyway, once in awhile, as if by accident. Unless you’re insatiable, this should be enough to keep your sex drive satisfied. Some of it will be good, some of it won’t be so good, and often it won’t continue past the first few times. There’s nothing wrong with this; you’re learning in the process, both about what you like and don’t like, and also about how to be a better lover (more on this later, see #1).
Here’s where you want to start to be careful. It is an all-too-common mistake to commit to a relationship (monogamous or otherwise), or—far worse! - to assume you’re in a relationship, after the first sexual encounter. You’ll want to remain aware and responsive to your own feelings and to the signals you’re getting from your partner; don’t define things too soon, give it at least a month or two to see what it becomes. If you find you sleep with the same person several times and you start spending more time together, you’ll probably want to have a discussion about your respective desires (more about this later). Proceed gently.
Part 3 incoming...