Many times I’ve found myself trying to be the voice of reason and pointing out flaws in people’s reasoning, even when I agreed with the core idea, only to have them tell me that I’m being too analytical and that I should… what… close off my mind and stop noticing mistakes, right?
That’s interesting… I don’t think I’ve ever had someone respond to my pointing out flaws in this way. I’ve had people argue back plenty of times, but never tell me that we shouldn’t be arguing about it. Can you give some examples of topics where this has happened? I would be curious what kind of topics engender this reaction in people.
I’ve seen this happen where one person enjoys debate/arguing and another does not. To one person it’s an interesting discussion, and to the other it feels like a personal attack. Or, more commonly, I’ve seen onlookers get upset watching such a discussion, even if they don’t personally feel targeted. Specifically, I’m remembering three men loudly debating about physics while several of their wives left the room in protest because it felt too argumentative to them.
Body language and voice dynamics can affect this a lot, I think—some people get loud and frowny when they’re excited/thinking hard, and others may misread that as angry.
I ended up having to include a disclaimer in the FAQ for an older project of mine, saying that the senior staff tends to get very intense when discussing the project and that this doesn’t indicate drama on our part but is actually friendly behavior. That was a text channel, though, so body dynamics and voice wouldn’t have had anything to do with it. I think a lot of people just read any intense discussion as hostile, and quality of argument doesn’t really enter into it—probably because they’re used to an arguments-as-soldiers perspective.
Oh, it’s not a topic-specific behavior. Every time I go too far down a chain of reasoning (“too far” meaning as few as three causal relationships), sometimes people start complaining that I’m giving too much thought to it, and imply they are unable to follow the arguments. I’m just not surrounded by a lot of people that like long and intricate discussions.
(Funnily, both my parents are the type that get tired listening to complex reasoning, and I turned out the complete opposite.)
I’m just not surrounded by a lot of people that like long and intricate discussions.
That is...intensely frustrating. I’ve had people tell me that “well, I find all the points you’re trying to make really complicated, and it’s easier for me to just have faith in God” or that kind of thing, but I’ve never actually been rebuked for applying an analytical mindset to discussions. Props on having acquired those habits anyway, in spite of what sounds like an unfruitful starting environment!
Thanks! Anyway, there’s the internet to compensate for that. The wide range of online forums built around ideas of varied intellectual depth means you even get to choose your difficulty level...
This happens frequently in places where reasoning is suspect, or not valued. Kids in poor areas with few scholastic or academic opportunities find more validation in pursuits that are non-academic, and they tend to deride logic. It’s parodied well by Colbert, but it’s not uncommon.
I just avoid those people, now know few of them. Most of the crowd here, I suspect, is in a similar position.
I just avoid those people, now know few of them. Most of the crowd here, I suspect, is in a similar position.
I may be in a similar position of never having known anyone who was like this. Also, I’m very conflict averse myself (but like discussing), so any discussion I start is less likely to have any component of raised voices or emotional involvement that could make it sound like an argument.
Welcome!
That’s interesting… I don’t think I’ve ever had someone respond to my pointing out flaws in this way. I’ve had people argue back plenty of times, but never tell me that we shouldn’t be arguing about it. Can you give some examples of topics where this has happened? I would be curious what kind of topics engender this reaction in people.
I’ve seen this happen where one person enjoys debate/arguing and another does not. To one person it’s an interesting discussion, and to the other it feels like a personal attack. Or, more commonly, I’ve seen onlookers get upset watching such a discussion, even if they don’t personally feel targeted. Specifically, I’m remembering three men loudly debating about physics while several of their wives left the room in protest because it felt too argumentative to them.
Body language and voice dynamics can affect this a lot, I think—some people get loud and frowny when they’re excited/thinking hard, and others may misread that as angry.
I ended up having to include a disclaimer in the FAQ for an older project of mine, saying that the senior staff tends to get very intense when discussing the project and that this doesn’t indicate drama on our part but is actually friendly behavior. That was a text channel, though, so body dynamics and voice wouldn’t have had anything to do with it. I think a lot of people just read any intense discussion as hostile, and quality of argument doesn’t really enter into it—probably because they’re used to an arguments-as-soldiers perspective.
We used to say of two friends of mine that “They don’t so much toss ideas back and forth as hurl sharp jagged ideas directly at one another’s heads.”
--Steven Erikson, House of Chains (2002)
Oh, it’s not a topic-specific behavior. Every time I go too far down a chain of reasoning (“too far” meaning as few as three causal relationships), sometimes people start complaining that I’m giving too much thought to it, and imply they are unable to follow the arguments. I’m just not surrounded by a lot of people that like long and intricate discussions.
(Funnily, both my parents are the type that get tired listening to complex reasoning, and I turned out the complete opposite.)
That is...intensely frustrating. I’ve had people tell me that “well, I find all the points you’re trying to make really complicated, and it’s easier for me to just have faith in God” or that kind of thing, but I’ve never actually been rebuked for applying an analytical mindset to discussions. Props on having acquired those habits anyway, in spite of what sounds like an unfruitful starting environment!
Thanks! Anyway, there’s the internet to compensate for that. The wide range of online forums built around ideas of varied intellectual depth means you even get to choose your difficulty level...
This happens frequently in places where reasoning is suspect, or not valued. Kids in poor areas with few scholastic or academic opportunities find more validation in pursuits that are non-academic, and they tend to deride logic. It’s parodied well by Colbert, but it’s not uncommon.
I just avoid those people, now know few of them. Most of the crowd here, I suspect, is in a similar position.
I may be in a similar position of never having known anyone who was like this. Also, I’m very conflict averse myself (but like discussing), so any discussion I start is less likely to have any component of raised voices or emotional involvement that could make it sound like an argument.