What I personally have observed is that there are plenty of men and women who have a need or desire to be dominated. And that a minority of these people can’t deal with the idea that it’s “just” a sexual fetish or personal quirk, but must convince themselves instead that the entire world would be happier or much better off if only our entire society were male supremacist or female supremacist, accordingly.
I’ve also observed that there are plenty of people who have a leadership or followership preference in a relationship… but the desire to be the follower is both more widespread and more gender-balanced than the desire to be the leader.
So I guess what I’m saying is, the fact that there’s a large unsatisfied market of females wishing to be dominated (sexually or otherwise) should NOT be mistaken for an indicator that this is somehow “the way the world should be”.
That market is unsatisfied for the same reason its male counterpart is: there simply aren’t enough people of either gender with the inclination, experience, self-awareness, etc. to meet the demand.
It’s my impersonal understanding that the ratio of male submissives to female dominants is way worse than the ratio of female submissives to male dominants—both kinds of submissives will have trouble finding a dominant counterpart, but the heterosexual males have it way worse.
That’s why I said the desire to be a follower is more gender-balanced than the desire to be a leader. I also used “leader” and “follower” because “dominant” and “submissive” carry more sexual overtone than is actually relevant to my point… but also because it’s way easier for men to find socially “leading” partners than sexually leading ones.
Also, to make things more complex… there are plenty of people who like to go both ways… and there are people who want to be sexually dominant but socially submissive or vice versa… if you’ve actually met and spoken with enough real people (without the self-selection bias that occurs when people with identical kinks get together), it quickly cures you of any idea that you can just say, “This Is The One True Way Relationships Should Be.”
(My wife owns a lingerie and adult toy/video store, and we’ve socialized with a lot of kinky and swinger folk, including gay, transgendered, etc. -- for a fairly broad definition of “etc.”)
This makes a lot of sense. I’m thinking of the dilemma my husband and I had when I wanted him to learn to swing dance, but neither of us wanted to learn to lead. Or my 6′4″ male friend who told me sadly that sometimes, he just wants someone who’s bigger than him, whose shoulder he can lean on.
Totally agreed. The thread starter has made a rash and morally suspect assertion—morally suspect because talking about people’s happiness as exclusively a simple thing to be manipulated through cultural dogma, and the only grade on which a life can be rated as pleasant or not is whether a dogma brings the sensation of pleasure to certain individuals in certain circumstances or not—well, it goes against seeing people as an end in itself, and it’s just icky.
What I personally have observed is that there are plenty of men and women who have a need or desire to be dominated. And that a minority of these people can’t deal with the idea that it’s “just” a sexual fetish or personal quirk, but must convince themselves instead that the entire world would be happier or much better off if only our entire society were male supremacist or female supremacist, accordingly.
I’ve also observed that there are plenty of people who have a leadership or followership preference in a relationship… but the desire to be the follower is both more widespread and more gender-balanced than the desire to be the leader.
So I guess what I’m saying is, the fact that there’s a large unsatisfied market of females wishing to be dominated (sexually or otherwise) should NOT be mistaken for an indicator that this is somehow “the way the world should be”.
That market is unsatisfied for the same reason its male counterpart is: there simply aren’t enough people of either gender with the inclination, experience, self-awareness, etc. to meet the demand.
It’s my impersonal understanding that the ratio of male submissives to female dominants is way worse than the ratio of female submissives to male dominants—both kinds of submissives will have trouble finding a dominant counterpart, but the heterosexual males have it way worse.
That’s why I said the desire to be a follower is more gender-balanced than the desire to be a leader. I also used “leader” and “follower” because “dominant” and “submissive” carry more sexual overtone than is actually relevant to my point… but also because it’s way easier for men to find socially “leading” partners than sexually leading ones.
Also, to make things more complex… there are plenty of people who like to go both ways… and there are people who want to be sexually dominant but socially submissive or vice versa… if you’ve actually met and spoken with enough real people (without the self-selection bias that occurs when people with identical kinks get together), it quickly cures you of any idea that you can just say, “This Is The One True Way Relationships Should Be.”
(My wife owns a lingerie and adult toy/video store, and we’ve socialized with a lot of kinky and swinger folk, including gay, transgendered, etc. -- for a fairly broad definition of “etc.”)
This is very much my impression also—as a switch, I’m topping a lot more than would be my natural inclination because that’s where the demand is.
This makes a lot of sense. I’m thinking of the dilemma my husband and I had when I wanted him to learn to swing dance, but neither of us wanted to learn to lead. Or my 6′4″ male friend who told me sadly that sometimes, he just wants someone who’s bigger than him, whose shoulder he can lean on.
Totally agreed. The thread starter has made a rash and morally suspect assertion—morally suspect because talking about people’s happiness as exclusively a simple thing to be manipulated through cultural dogma, and the only grade on which a life can be rated as pleasant or not is whether a dogma brings the sensation of pleasure to certain individuals in certain circumstances or not—well, it goes against seeing people as an end in itself, and it’s just icky.