As you have probably learned, you want to establish a connection first. Given that you had suicidal thoughts yourself, you can start with something like “Yeah, man, some days I want to off myself, too. Life sucks. I swear, if I had a pill handy I might have done it already.” You then try to go on by comparing the issues that make you think of ending it all (loss of a job, of a partner, bullying, depression, illness, …), asking for advice in your circumstances etc.
There is no point trying to convince them of anything until they trust that you understand what they are going through. The lines you quoted (“You are not alone in this. I’m here for you.” or “How can I best support you right now?”) actually set you apart from them. What they hear is: “I am in a good place, I can even spare some of my happiness to listen to your clearly overblown issues”.
Even after you are on the same wavelength, pushing what worked for you on them is probably counter-productive (typical-mind fallacy etc.). Letting them tell you what got them off the brink before and whether it would work this time might work better. Slipping into one of your more depressed moods and letting them give you advice is more likely to get them to apply this advice to themselves, a far more effective approach than rummaging through your own bag of tricks and see what works on them. There is, of course, a chance that their foul mood would push you over the edge, too, and you should be prepared for it.
There are helpful online resources available, such as the video testimonies from the It gets better project. Once you understand your friend’s issues, you might offer visiting a relevant site together and talk it over while browsing.
If this seems like too large an investment of time and effort, it’s because it is. Whether you find it worthwhile for you is up to you to decide.
As someone who has experienced depression, hearing that other people are unhappy doesn’t help me at all or make me feel sympathetic. Having someone simply offer to help or care is what I am honestly hoping for when I’m feeling down.
This may not generalize well, but when I’m feeling down, I still have some sense that things could be better, and might be better again, and emphasizing that, and that people are around to pull me up from the bottom until they do, is valuable for me.
As you have probably learned, you want to establish a connection first. Given that you had suicidal thoughts yourself, you can start with something like “Yeah, man, some days I want to off myself, too. Life sucks. I swear, if I had a pill handy I might have done it already.” You then try to go on by comparing the issues that make you think of ending it all (loss of a job, of a partner, bullying, depression, illness, …), asking for advice in your circumstances etc.
There is no point trying to convince them of anything until they trust that you understand what they are going through. The lines you quoted (“You are not alone in this. I’m here for you.” or “How can I best support you right now?”) actually set you apart from them. What they hear is: “I am in a good place, I can even spare some of my happiness to listen to your clearly overblown issues”.
Even after you are on the same wavelength, pushing what worked for you on them is probably counter-productive (typical-mind fallacy etc.). Letting them tell you what got them off the brink before and whether it would work this time might work better. Slipping into one of your more depressed moods and letting them give you advice is more likely to get them to apply this advice to themselves, a far more effective approach than rummaging through your own bag of tricks and see what works on them. There is, of course, a chance that their foul mood would push you over the edge, too, and you should be prepared for it.
There are helpful online resources available, such as the video testimonies from the It gets better project. Once you understand your friend’s issues, you might offer visiting a relevant site together and talk it over while browsing.
If this seems like too large an investment of time and effort, it’s because it is. Whether you find it worthwhile for you is up to you to decide.
As someone who has experienced depression, hearing that other people are unhappy doesn’t help me at all or make me feel sympathetic. Having someone simply offer to help or care is what I am honestly hoping for when I’m feeling down.
This may not generalize well, but when I’m feeling down, I still have some sense that things could be better, and might be better again, and emphasizing that, and that people are around to pull me up from the bottom until they do, is valuable for me.