It’s funny how even parents don’t have strong evidence about parenting. Suppose you do X and your kids are Y. You might say “I did X, and therefore my kids became Y”, but your neighbors might say “your kids were Y (e.g. for genetic reasons), therefore you were able to do X successfully”.
For example, when either of our kids started hurting the other one in any way, we tried to intervene always and as soon as possible. As a result, now most people say our kids are super nice to each other. But “as a result”, that’s just my opinion. Maybe our kids just inherited some gene which causes both nice behavior and a desire to prevent other people’s conflicts. Or maybe they just copy the behavior of me and my wife.
I agree with all you wrote here. As another example of different strong parenting beliefs I would add: what is proper amount of computer use? I know people who insist that the only acceptable value is zero. I only ban youtube, but my kids are allowed to watch movies on the computer (how is that worse than watching TV?) and paint. Some people are horrified when they hear this. Also, some people believe it is wrong that my older daughter can read and write and the first-grade math before going to school. The latter probably wouldn’t be a problem in a community, but some kids using computers and others not being allowed to use computers, that could cause conflicts, because the latter child would feel discriminated against.
It’s funny how even parents don’t have strong evidence about parenting. Suppose you do X and your kids are Y. You might say “I did X, and therefore my kids became Y”, but your neighbors might say “your kids were Y (e.g. for genetic reasons), therefore you were able to do X successfully”.
For example, when either of our kids started hurting the other one in any way, we tried to intervene always and as soon as possible. As a result, now most people say our kids are super nice to each other. But “as a result”, that’s just my opinion. Maybe our kids just inherited some gene which causes both nice behavior and a desire to prevent other people’s conflicts. Or maybe they just copy the behavior of me and my wife.
I agree with all you wrote here. As another example of different strong parenting beliefs I would add: what is proper amount of computer use? I know people who insist that the only acceptable value is zero. I only ban youtube, but my kids are allowed to watch movies on the computer (how is that worse than watching TV?) and paint. Some people are horrified when they hear this. Also, some people believe it is wrong that my older daughter can read and write and the first-grade math before going to school. The latter probably wouldn’t be a problem in a community, but some kids using computers and others not being allowed to use computers, that could cause conflicts, because the latter child would feel discriminated against.