How do you deal with people who are dominating conversations? I had a New Years party and it was basically 4 hours where either this one guy was talking or someone was talking to him.
Most solutions require either the consent of the talker or that they not be present. For example, one solution is that the group splits into multiple subgroups, so that multiple people can talk at once- but there are ways for the talker to counter that, like abandoning their subgroup to join another subgroup (effectively merging the two) or asking people to keep to one conversational thread.
There’s a broad blunt-subtle continuum of ways to communicate to someone that’s they’re dominating the conversation, and it generally seems best to use the most subtle option that they’ll actually notice, but again, communicating to someone that they’re dominating the conversation doesn’t mean they’ll stop dominating it.
I’ve been in groups in which the conversation seems to require someone dominate the conversation in order to lead it to somewhere interesting. Of course, its nice if that person finds a way to get other involved...but conversation in many groups does not flow at all without someone driving it and, therefore, sometimes seeming as if they are dominating (at least to some people). Sitting in a group of people who can’t keep a conversation going can be just as frustrating as someone who can’t shut up.
The DC LessWrong group has a strong norm of splitting up conversations into multiple, which works well if people are being bored by a single person talking—one person will turn to someone else who looks bored and strike up a different thread with them. (Then if other people also are bored, they will join the separate thread or start their own.)
This fixes a few other conversational problems as well.
When someone says something to Big Talker, you can respond to what they’ve said before Big Talker does. (I don’t think Big Talkers are generally the sort to mind interruptions, so it’s not necessarily rude)
One of many strategies is to change the subject. The most domineering conversationalists I know tend to be specialists talking about their own field, and the one-sided nature of the interaction flows partly from their local expertise. Many people talk less if they see a large chance that they will accidentally say something embarrassing, and an unfamiliar topic is a quick and polite way to get them there.
It requires some status and a consistent record of not being a jerk to do this (or to convince yourself to do this), but: “[Big Talker] has been talking for 2 hours, and [Small Talker] hasn’t really had much opportunity to talk about [thing Small Talker does]. Mind if we hear from [Small Talker] for a bit? ”
How do you deal with people who are dominating conversations? I had a New Years party and it was basically 4 hours where either this one guy was talking or someone was talking to him.
Most solutions require either the consent of the talker or that they not be present. For example, one solution is that the group splits into multiple subgroups, so that multiple people can talk at once- but there are ways for the talker to counter that, like abandoning their subgroup to join another subgroup (effectively merging the two) or asking people to keep to one conversational thread.
There’s a broad blunt-subtle continuum of ways to communicate to someone that’s they’re dominating the conversation, and it generally seems best to use the most subtle option that they’ll actually notice, but again, communicating to someone that they’re dominating the conversation doesn’t mean they’ll stop dominating it.
There’s a chance that the rest of the group really likes listening to the talker.
Good point.
I’ve been in groups in which the conversation seems to require someone dominate the conversation in order to lead it to somewhere interesting. Of course, its nice if that person finds a way to get other involved...but conversation in many groups does not flow at all without someone driving it and, therefore, sometimes seeming as if they are dominating (at least to some people). Sitting in a group of people who can’t keep a conversation going can be just as frustrating as someone who can’t shut up.
The DC LessWrong group has a strong norm of splitting up conversations into multiple, which works well if people are being bored by a single person talking—one person will turn to someone else who looks bored and strike up a different thread with them. (Then if other people also are bored, they will join the separate thread or start their own.)
This fixes a few other conversational problems as well.
When someone says something to Big Talker, you can respond to what they’ve said before Big Talker does. (I don’t think Big Talkers are generally the sort to mind interruptions, so it’s not necessarily rude)
One of many strategies is to change the subject. The most domineering conversationalists I know tend to be specialists talking about their own field, and the one-sided nature of the interaction flows partly from their local expertise. Many people talk less if they see a large chance that they will accidentally say something embarrassing, and an unfamiliar topic is a quick and polite way to get them there.
It requires some status and a consistent record of not being a jerk to do this (or to convince yourself to do this), but: “[Big Talker] has been talking for 2 hours, and [Small Talker] hasn’t really had much opportunity to talk about [thing Small Talker does]. Mind if we hear from [Small Talker] for a bit? ”