For example, when my husband asks me “Do you want to go out tonight?” I generally reply “Why do you ask?” Sometimes he is motivated by a desire to get out of the house; sometimes he is motivated by a desire to do laundry (which means he can’t leave the house for a while).
Similarly, I try to preface questions with a brief explanation of why I care. For example, I prefer “I came across this stuff while cleaning the basement and was going to throw it out, but I figured I’d check with you first: do you want to keep any of it?” to “Do you want to keep any of this stuff?”
Get clear about motives.
For example, when my husband asks me “Do you want to go out tonight?” I generally reply “Why do you ask?” Sometimes he is motivated by a desire to get out of the house; sometimes he is motivated by a desire to do laundry (which means he can’t leave the house for a while).
Similarly, I try to preface questions with a brief explanation of why I care. For example, I prefer “I came across this stuff while cleaning the basement and was going to throw it out, but I figured I’d check with you first: do you want to keep any of it?” to “Do you want to keep any of this stuff?”