I know, I know, I know. I know all of this rationally. I just can’t make my brain realize this. All the small ideas I come up with fail to motivate me even a little bit. My current plan is to wait for my current unrealistically big project to inevitably fall apart and then hopefully my brain will finally get the message.
Have you considered the possibility that you don’t actually want to make games, but do want to think of yourself as a game-maker? Asking this because I have a bit of a “I want to be a fiction writer but don’t actually want to write” issue, and what you’re describing sounds familiar.
No, I don’t think so. Game makers don’t really have enough status in society for this to be a problem, I think. Or at least, they don’t have the romantic imagery of writers, painters, poets, musicians, etc.
Like Viliam Bur pointed out, the general status in society isn’t that important: “wanting to be a video game maker” could plausibly follow from just having liked video games enough at some specific age, for example.
If you strongly feel like this isn’t your issue, I won’t argue… but I would point out that if someone did want to have an identity as a game-maker but didn’t have an interest in actually making games, then the pattern of “avoids doing small realistic projects, keeps starting big projects and then quickly gives up on them before doing much concrete work” seems almost perfectly optimized for the goal of maintaining the identity with the least amount of effort.
Game makers don’t really have enough status in society
That’s irrelevant. The important thing is whether you, for completely personal reasons, want to have “game maker” a part of your identity.
If you could just snap your fingers, and the game would magically appear already completed, according to your specification, with your name on it… how would you feel?
If Omega would predict that you will never make a game, or participate in creating one… how would you feel?
There may be a big difference between these two feelings, and yet you may dislike programming the game (or even effectively managing the game programming team).
If you could just snap your fingers, and the game would magically appear already completed, according to your specification, with your name on it… how would you feel?
Good, obviously. Isn’t this every creator’s dream, to have their vision realized down to the exact detail without having to put in any of the work?
If Omega would predict that you will never make a game, or participate in creating one… how would you feel?
Bad, but I would get over it and find something else to do.
I’m trying to explain Kaj Sotala’s comment, because I think you misunderstood it.
You want to have your game done.
You don’t like making the game.
Both these statements can be true at the same time, and this seems like a frequent problem. People can like something in far mode, and dislike it in near mode. They can make it a part of their identity, and avoid doing it.
I don’t know. For literally all my life I’ve felt compelled to work on creative projects in a variety of fields (most of which have never lead anywhere, but only really exceptional people have completed major creative projects on their own volition by their freshman year of college so I don’t feel that upset about it). While working on most of these projects, I would say that I am just “grinding” a majority of the time and in a state of flow a sizeable minority of the time. The best part is the feeling you get when you complete something and can look upon your work with satisfaction. I think game making probably has the best flow to frustration ratio of any creative endeavor I’ve done, followed by visual arts, then writing, then music. The one time I more-or-less completed a game for a month-long open-ended class project I absolutely loved doing it and was in a state of flow almost the whole time.
If it turns out that I “don’t actually enjoy” game making then I have absolutely no idea what I “actually enjoy”.
The one time I more-or-less completed a game for a month-long open-ended class project I absolutely loved doing it and was in a state of flow almost the whole time.
Seems to me that you “actually enjoyed” working on this specific game...
I would say that I am just “grinding” a majority of the time and in a state of flow a sizeable minority of the time
...but didn’t “actually enjoy” working on these other projects.
What specifically made those experiences different? (Maybe the difference was in your mind, how you approached these projects, not in the projects themselves.) If you find out, you could try doing more of the former type.
The best part is the feeling you get when you complete something and can look upon your work with satisfaction.
Yeah, but the problem is how to get to this place. :D
Off-topic: Do you have some kind of documentation about those projects you have completed? Like a photo and a short description, somewhere on the web. Such things could be useful later in job search.
Isn’t this every creator’s dream, to have their vision realized down to the exact detail without having to put in any of the work?
Not necessarily. For many, the actual fun is in the creating: that the act of creating happens to also produce an actual work is only a nice bonus, and something that could be dispensed with.
If this seems counter-intuitive, consider e.g. the more story-focused variants of tabletop role-playing games, where the participants create a story together: but the story is almost always ephemeral, and no recording of it survives afterwards. But that’s fine, because the actual fun was in the creation.
That said, this is certainly not a requirement for being an artist: plenty of creators also find large parts of whole creative process tedious, and are focused on just the end product.
I recommend you read The Motivation Hacker for techniques to get yourself to do what you know you should be doing, but can’t bring yourself to do. I especially recommend Beeminder, especially this approach to using it.
I know, I know, I know. I know all of this rationally. I just can’t make my brain realize this. All the small ideas I come up with fail to motivate me even a little bit. My current plan is to wait for my current unrealistically big project to inevitably fall apart and then hopefully my brain will finally get the message.
Have you considered the possibility that you don’t actually want to make games, but do want to think of yourself as a game-maker? Asking this because I have a bit of a “I want to be a fiction writer but don’t actually want to write” issue, and what you’re describing sounds familiar.
No, I don’t think so. Game makers don’t really have enough status in society for this to be a problem, I think. Or at least, they don’t have the romantic imagery of writers, painters, poets, musicians, etc.
Like Viliam Bur pointed out, the general status in society isn’t that important: “wanting to be a video game maker” could plausibly follow from just having liked video games enough at some specific age, for example.
If you strongly feel like this isn’t your issue, I won’t argue… but I would point out that if someone did want to have an identity as a game-maker but didn’t have an interest in actually making games, then the pattern of “avoids doing small realistic projects, keeps starting big projects and then quickly gives up on them before doing much concrete work” seems almost perfectly optimized for the goal of maintaining the identity with the least amount of effort.
That’s irrelevant. The important thing is whether you, for completely personal reasons, want to have “game maker” a part of your identity.
If you could just snap your fingers, and the game would magically appear already completed, according to your specification, with your name on it… how would you feel?
If Omega would predict that you will never make a game, or participate in creating one… how would you feel?
There may be a big difference between these two feelings, and yet you may dislike programming the game (or even effectively managing the game programming team).
I’m not exactly sure what you’re trying to say.
Good, obviously. Isn’t this every creator’s dream, to have their vision realized down to the exact detail without having to put in any of the work?
Bad, but I would get over it and find something else to do.
I’m trying to explain Kaj Sotala’s comment, because I think you misunderstood it.
You want to have your game done.
You don’t like making the game.
Both these statements can be true at the same time, and this seems like a frequent problem. People can like something in far mode, and dislike it in near mode. They can make it a part of their identity, and avoid doing it.
(The status in society is irrelevant.)
Oh, okay, I see what you’re saying.
I don’t know. For literally all my life I’ve felt compelled to work on creative projects in a variety of fields (most of which have never lead anywhere, but only really exceptional people have completed major creative projects on their own volition by their freshman year of college so I don’t feel that upset about it). While working on most of these projects, I would say that I am just “grinding” a majority of the time and in a state of flow a sizeable minority of the time. The best part is the feeling you get when you complete something and can look upon your work with satisfaction. I think game making probably has the best flow to frustration ratio of any creative endeavor I’ve done, followed by visual arts, then writing, then music. The one time I more-or-less completed a game for a month-long open-ended class project I absolutely loved doing it and was in a state of flow almost the whole time.
If it turns out that I “don’t actually enjoy” game making then I have absolutely no idea what I “actually enjoy”.
Seems to me that you “actually enjoyed” working on this specific game...
...but didn’t “actually enjoy” working on these other projects.
What specifically made those experiences different? (Maybe the difference was in your mind, how you approached these projects, not in the projects themselves.) If you find out, you could try doing more of the former type.
Yeah, but the problem is how to get to this place. :D
Off-topic: Do you have some kind of documentation about those projects you have completed? Like a photo and a short description, somewhere on the web. Such things could be useful later in job search.
LOL. I see the source of some of your problems :-)
The answer to your question is “No, it is not”.
Not necessarily. For many, the actual fun is in the creating: that the act of creating happens to also produce an actual work is only a nice bonus, and something that could be dispensed with.
If this seems counter-intuitive, consider e.g. the more story-focused variants of tabletop role-playing games, where the participants create a story together: but the story is almost always ephemeral, and no recording of it survives afterwards. But that’s fine, because the actual fun was in the creation.
That said, this is certainly not a requirement for being an artist: plenty of creators also find large parts of whole creative process tedious, and are focused on just the end product.
Also, creators don’t necessarily have a complete dream at the beginning. As Tolkien said, “The tale grew in the telling”.
I recommend you read The Motivation Hacker for techniques to get yourself to do what you know you should be doing, but can’t bring yourself to do. I especially recommend Beeminder, especially this approach to using it.