Your screwed and have to participate in an ineffective social ritual”?
Yes
I don’t think that will make the woman who doesn’t get flowers from her boyfriend when her girlfriend get flowers feels much better.
True, and it will lower her dating market value because men will wonder why her current boyfriend didn’t think she was of high enough value to get flowers.
it will lower her dating market value because men will wonder why her current boyfriend didn’t think she was of high enough value to get flowers.
I don’t think that’s easy to say. On the one hand that’s information that women generally don’t rather her with female friends and other male friends.
Secondly I don’t think it automatically says something negative about a woman in the eyes of most men. It might signal that the woman isn’t a “gold digger” which is generally a positive quality that men seek. Or to switch to another model: Receiving gifts is the least important of the five love languages for a particular woman.
Even it it was perceived as a signal of her boyfriend not being into her, it might signal availability in a way that might encourage a man to hit on her.
Evidence: Women would much rather get flowers delivered to them at work or in a way that causes other people to see them, then to be given the flowers privately. My female students seem to overwhelmingly agree with this statement when we discuss Valentines Day in game theory.
it might signal availability
You don’t want to signal this, rather if you are a woman interested in dating a man, you want to signal that you are of high enough quality and in high enough demand that you would just barely consider dating him.
You might be right. I will try to remember to ask my students their view when I get to this topic. But the same game theory applies either way where you want to signal your high value to the people around you.
One can argue that it encourages a man to hit on her, not by increasing his valuation of her, but in decreasing what he perceives her being valued at. Rationally, a man should pursue women not on his valuation of her, but on the degree to which he perceives his valuation of her as exceeding others’ valuation of her.
Of course, this is a rather cold-hearted way of viewing dating, and Less Wrong is one of the few contexts in which admitting to being aware of this analysis is socially acceptable. For a lot of social interactions, one of the rules is that one not admit that one is aware of the rules.
Yes
True, and it will lower her dating market value because men will wonder why her current boyfriend didn’t think she was of high enough value to get flowers.
I don’t think that’s easy to say. On the one hand that’s information that women generally don’t rather her with female friends and other male friends. Secondly I don’t think it automatically says something negative about a woman in the eyes of most men. It might signal that the woman isn’t a “gold digger” which is generally a positive quality that men seek. Or to switch to another model: Receiving gifts is the least important of the five love languages for a particular woman.
Even it it was perceived as a signal of her boyfriend not being into her, it might signal availability in a way that might encourage a man to hit on her.
Evidence: Women would much rather get flowers delivered to them at work or in a way that causes other people to see them, then to be given the flowers privately. My female students seem to overwhelmingly agree with this statement when we discuss Valentines Day in game theory.
You don’t want to signal this, rather if you are a woman interested in dating a man, you want to signal that you are of high enough quality and in high enough demand that you would just barely consider dating him.
Things might be different in different parts of the world.
I would predict that it’s more important for the woman that her female coworker see her receiving the flowers than that her male coworkers see.
Would you predict that it’s more important that the male coworkers see it and therefore the woman has higher status in the eyes of potential mates?
You might be right. I will try to remember to ask my students their view when I get to this topic. But the same game theory applies either way where you want to signal your high value to the people around you.
One can argue that it encourages a man to hit on her, not by increasing his valuation of her, but in decreasing what he perceives her being valued at. Rationally, a man should pursue women not on his valuation of her, but on the degree to which he perceives his valuation of her as exceeding others’ valuation of her.
Of course, this is a rather cold-hearted way of viewing dating, and Less Wrong is one of the few contexts in which admitting to being aware of this analysis is socially acceptable. For a lot of social interactions, one of the rules is that one not admit that one is aware of the rules.