A lot of sympathy for the challenge you describe. My possibly bit half-baked views on this:
If you take your criteria seriously, dating sites where you can answer questions and filter according to answers might help
Knowing that for a marriage to work you anyway need something rather close to radical acceptance, you might simply try to put your abstract criteria a bit into perspective, and focus more on finding a partner that accepts your ways very happily rather than sharing so much of them (there is also some danger in this; maybe the truth ‘lies in the middle’: do that partly, but of course also not too generously; I guess what I mean to say is, reading your text, I get the feeling you might be erring too much on the side of strict requirements, though it’s only a spontaneous guess)
‘Red hair as a serious criterion—really?‘: I think the 1⁄625 sounds like a reasonable candidate for spurious correlation: there is such a large number of characteristics that persons have, that two of your favorite dates sharing one of them does not say much about the relevance of that individual characteristic, statistically speaking. That said, I can believe you simply have a sort of red-hair fetish/preference, but then, I’d for sure think if things fit more generally with a person, her having the ‘right’ hair color as well seems very unlikely to be a major relevant factors for long-term happiness with her.
A lot of sympathy for the challenge you describe. My possibly bit half-baked views on this:
If you take your criteria seriously, dating sites where you can answer questions and filter according to answers might help
Knowing that for a marriage to work you anyway need something rather close to radical acceptance, you might simply try to put your abstract criteria a bit into perspective, and focus more on finding a partner that accepts your ways very happily rather than sharing so much of them (there is also some danger in this; maybe the truth ‘lies in the middle’: do that partly, but of course also not too generously; I guess what I mean to say is, reading your text, I get the feeling you might be erring too much on the side of strict requirements, though it’s only a spontaneous guess)
‘Red hair as a serious criterion—really?‘: I think the 1⁄625 sounds like a reasonable candidate for spurious correlation: there is such a large number of characteristics that persons have, that two of your favorite dates sharing one of them does not say much about the relevance of that individual characteristic, statistically speaking. That said, I can believe you simply have a sort of red-hair fetish/preference, but then, I’d for sure think if things fit more generally with a person, her having the ‘right’ hair color as well seems very unlikely to be a major relevant factors for long-term happiness with her.
And good luck!!
Don’t underestimate the value of a red-headed woman...