If you are to exert influence on the world, you have to state your opinions to people. But you also have to be rational about it.
Start with asking yourself:
Am I wrong? (Honestly examine your position and see things from the other persons point of view)
Is the topic important? (Cause prioritization)
Am I convincing the live person or the audience? (Different tactics)
Is success a possible outcome?
Let’s say the answers in a given scenario are no, yes, person and yes. Convincing another person is hard because of confirmation bias. Added to that is the social dynamics of you telling another person that she is wrong, perhaps while others are listening. Both of these challenges have to be overcome in order to succeed.
Some suggestions from my personal experience (as a politican, inspired from Carnegies book):
Ask questions throughout, preferrably questions that makes the other person respond positively. Make sure you understand the other persons position. Show respect for her opinions, never say “You are wrong”.
“Interesting. Would this be applicable in scenario X?”
Begin in a friendly way, with praise and emphasize where you agree with the other person.
“Yes, I very much agree with you on X. That’s a precise observation”.
Call attention to the other persons mistakes indirectly and talk about your own mistakes first. If you yourself have said something wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
“I actually used to think Y myself, but then I discovered Z”
Minimize the points where you disagree (make the fault minor / seem easy to correct) and let the other person save face
“Of course, we both have the same intentions here. Whether Z is true or not is a minor issue”
Some tricks up your sleeve:
Give the other person a reputation to live up to
“This is of course familiar to a person to a knowledgeable person such as yourself”
Let the other person feel the idea is hers
“Excactly. It is as you said, X segment, which in turn is Y and Z.”
Dramatize your ideas with enthusiasm and stories.
Lastly, as I can see that you already know, arguing is not a winning social strategy. Very few arguments improve the relationship you have with the person you are arguing with. There are many ways to talk about interesting topics without pointing at points of disagreement. Save the arguments for when it is strictly neccesary.
If you are to exert influence on the world, you have to state your opinions to people. But you also have to be rational about it.
Start with asking yourself:
Am I wrong? (Honestly examine your position and see things from the other persons point of view)
Is the topic important? (Cause prioritization)
Am I convincing the live person or the audience? (Different tactics)
Is success a possible outcome?
Let’s say the answers in a given scenario are no, yes, person and yes. Convincing another person is hard because of confirmation bias. Added to that is the social dynamics of you telling another person that she is wrong, perhaps while others are listening. Both of these challenges have to be overcome in order to succeed.
Some suggestions from my personal experience (as a politican, inspired from Carnegies book):
Ask questions throughout, preferrably questions that makes the other person respond positively. Make sure you understand the other persons position. Show respect for her opinions, never say “You are wrong”. “Interesting. Would this be applicable in scenario X?”
Begin in a friendly way, with praise and emphasize where you agree with the other person. “Yes, I very much agree with you on X. That’s a precise observation”.
Call attention to the other persons mistakes indirectly and talk about your own mistakes first. If you yourself have said something wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. “I actually used to think Y myself, but then I discovered Z”
Minimize the points where you disagree (make the fault minor / seem easy to correct) and let the other person save face “Of course, we both have the same intentions here. Whether Z is true or not is a minor issue”
Some tricks up your sleeve:
Give the other person a reputation to live up to “This is of course familiar to a person to a knowledgeable person such as yourself”
Let the other person feel the idea is hers “Excactly. It is as you said, X segment, which in turn is Y and Z.”
Dramatize your ideas with enthusiasm and stories.
Lastly, as I can see that you already know, arguing is not a winning social strategy. Very few arguments improve the relationship you have with the person you are arguing with. There are many ways to talk about interesting topics without pointing at points of disagreement. Save the arguments for when it is strictly neccesary.