I think a big part of the problem is that I have an irrational alief that makes me feel like my opinions are uniquely valuable and important to share with others. I do think I’m smarter, more moderate, and more creative than most.
I’ve had a similar problem. Every time I feel the impulse to argue, I try to remember that (in general) arguing won’t change their position. It depends on what you’re trying to achieve with your arguments. Are you trying to make the other person lose social status? Are you enjoying yourself by demonstrating your greater intelligence/moderation/creativity? Or are you trying to get them to change their mind? Because the last goal is probably not achievable through argument.
I’ve found that questions/experiments/bets tend to be better ways to settle disputes than arguments, especially when it comes to sensitive topics. It’s probably better to avoid meaningless debate that just enrages people.
It’s more as though I’m angry their opinions are poorly thought out and want to make them think seriously about the subject. It’s not a desire to lower their social status except insofar as I feel that will cause them to think critically about the issue (which doesn’t actually ever happen as a consequence of lower social status, probably).
I don’t really have a desire to demonstrate my intelligence/moderation/creativity either, exactly. It’s more like, one, I enjoy exercising my capabilities for those traits, and two, I want to persuade them that intelligence/moderation/creativity are good things that are worth striving for.
Basically, I am getting frustrated that other people have a different thinking style than me and then trying to convince them to change it by being a jerk. But I should probably just avoid any object level disagreements except for important exceptions, and focus on improving people’s rationality in more gentle and less confrontational ways. It’s just that it’s difficult to remember this in the moment, as it’s frustrating listening to people I see as irrational.
Probably, this implies that my tolerance for irrationality is too low. I’m seeing irrationality too often, I expect. Even when it is there, I ought to leave it alone most of the time.
I’ve had a similar problem. Every time I feel the impulse to argue, I try to remember that (in general) arguing won’t change their position. It depends on what you’re trying to achieve with your arguments. Are you trying to make the other person lose social status? Are you enjoying yourself by demonstrating your greater intelligence/moderation/creativity? Or are you trying to get them to change their mind? Because the last goal is probably not achievable through argument.
I’ve found that questions/experiments/bets tend to be better ways to settle disputes than arguments, especially when it comes to sensitive topics. It’s probably better to avoid meaningless debate that just enrages people.
This discussion also reminds me of Yvain’s In Favor of Niceness, Community, and Civilization.
It’s more as though I’m angry their opinions are poorly thought out and want to make them think seriously about the subject. It’s not a desire to lower their social status except insofar as I feel that will cause them to think critically about the issue (which doesn’t actually ever happen as a consequence of lower social status, probably).
I don’t really have a desire to demonstrate my intelligence/moderation/creativity either, exactly. It’s more like, one, I enjoy exercising my capabilities for those traits, and two, I want to persuade them that intelligence/moderation/creativity are good things that are worth striving for.
Basically, I am getting frustrated that other people have a different thinking style than me and then trying to convince them to change it by being a jerk. But I should probably just avoid any object level disagreements except for important exceptions, and focus on improving people’s rationality in more gentle and less confrontational ways. It’s just that it’s difficult to remember this in the moment, as it’s frustrating listening to people I see as irrational.
Probably, this implies that my tolerance for irrationality is too low. I’m seeing irrationality too often, I expect. Even when it is there, I ought to leave it alone most of the time.