I think it would be clearer if you said who “they” is, men or women. Having read the post and found that it’s all about men, it’s pretty clear that it is men, but when I first read it I found it pretty ambiguous and in fact assumed that it was women. On a slightly different note, my failure to understand the relation between the two statements seems like a good example of the writing advice that you should repeat your thesis at the end, because it may be incomprehensible on the first pass. You do have a kind of thesis at the end, but it seems backwards, the more easily comprehended version at the end, rather than the beginning.
I think it would be clearer if you said who “they” is, men or women. Having read the post and found that it’s all about men, it’s pretty clear that it is men, but when I first read it I found it pretty ambiguous and in fact assumed that it was women. On a slightly different note, my failure to understand the relation between the two statements seems like a good example of the writing advice that you should repeat your thesis at the end, because it may be incomprehensible on the first pass. You do have a kind of thesis at the end, but it seems backwards, the more easily comprehended version at the end, rather than the beginning.
Thanks, the pronouns were unclear, hopefully my edit fixed that.