Yes, I was unclear on what you were saying because of the wording, which seemed self-contradictory. Your description here is more clear and consistent.
It sounds to me a bit like you don’t feel goal-oriented—as if you are following certain passive routines and distracted impulses, but don’t have a feeling of striving and progress toward a meaningful end. You clearly feel dissatisfied with your current state, but don’t see a specific alternative to strive for or don’t see yourself as capable of putting a plan into action because of your distractibility.
I have personally never struggled with that particular issue, although I have many other challenges that I’ve had to work through in my life. So I may not be in a position to give advice—I have always been a pursuer of goals.
One thing you could try is working on that problem directly. For example, you say you fail to apply new ideas. I don’t mean this in a rude way, but based on that, it seems like a fool’s errand to give you yet more advice that you will likely fail to act on. So here is a very small thing you could do to show yourself that you’re capable of acting on an idea: after you’re done reading this sentence, stand up and take a (healthy and appropriate) physical action that’s very unusual for you, which could be anything from singing a song to doing a pushup. Just show yourself that you’re capable of reading something on your computer screen and acting on it.
If you can do that, then you can do bigger and more meaningful things. So you might want to try making a daily practice of listing some new ideas you would like to try, or goals you would like to achieve, and then trying at least one of them. They can be very small and simple, as long as they are novel, breaks from the current routines in your life. As you gain more skill in goal-oriented behavior, you can start to consider larger strategies. What are bigger accomplishments you would like to achieve in your life, and what sub-goals would let you move in that direction? Then do those things.
The keyword here with respect to LessWrong is “rational agency,” or just “agency” in general and also the idea of “winning.” You can probably find some interesting ideas to read by searching it, although the real test is to do it and incorporate it into your own life—which of course is the main challenge you are working on. Best of luck!
Yes, I was unclear on what you were saying because of the wording, which seemed self-contradictory. Your description here is more clear and consistent.
It sounds to me a bit like you don’t feel goal-oriented—as if you are following certain passive routines and distracted impulses, but don’t have a feeling of striving and progress toward a meaningful end. You clearly feel dissatisfied with your current state, but don’t see a specific alternative to strive for or don’t see yourself as capable of putting a plan into action because of your distractibility.
I have personally never struggled with that particular issue, although I have many other challenges that I’ve had to work through in my life. So I may not be in a position to give advice—I have always been a pursuer of goals.
One thing you could try is working on that problem directly. For example, you say you fail to apply new ideas. I don’t mean this in a rude way, but based on that, it seems like a fool’s errand to give you yet more advice that you will likely fail to act on. So here is a very small thing you could do to show yourself that you’re capable of acting on an idea: after you’re done reading this sentence, stand up and take a (healthy and appropriate) physical action that’s very unusual for you, which could be anything from singing a song to doing a pushup. Just show yourself that you’re capable of reading something on your computer screen and acting on it.
If you can do that, then you can do bigger and more meaningful things. So you might want to try making a daily practice of listing some new ideas you would like to try, or goals you would like to achieve, and then trying at least one of them. They can be very small and simple, as long as they are novel, breaks from the current routines in your life. As you gain more skill in goal-oriented behavior, you can start to consider larger strategies. What are bigger accomplishments you would like to achieve in your life, and what sub-goals would let you move in that direction? Then do those things.
The keyword here with respect to LessWrong is “rational agency,” or just “agency” in general and also the idea of “winning.” You can probably find some interesting ideas to read by searching it, although the real test is to do it and incorporate it into your own life—which of course is the main challenge you are working on. Best of luck!