I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m nowhere near as attractive or good with girls as I thought I was.
I got my first girlfriend pretty much by accident last year. It was so incredibly amazing that I decided that romantic success was something I needed to become very good at. I spent quite a while reading about it, and thinking about how to be attractive and successful with women. I broke up with my girlfriend as I moved to a small town for two months at the beginning of this year, during which time I practiced approaching girls and flirting with them.
Then I moved to college, and the first attractive, smart girl I saw, I went up to her and got her as a girlfriend pretty much immediately. I thought that I must have been very good and attractive to have gotten such a gorgeous girlfriend so quickly. She broke up with me after a month or two. She immediately moved through two or three boyfriends over the space of a month or two. Meanwhile, I’ve been looking for a new girlfriend, but haven’t had any success.
So I thought I was attractive and good with girls, and then it turned out that I just had a wild stroke of luck. So it goes.
I’m suspicious that I was simply arrogant about how good I was, and if I had thought more dispassionately, I wouldn’t have been so wrong in my assessment of my own attractiveness.
Might I suggest that you may be looking at this all wrong- women are more attracted to your confidence than your looks. I suspect that your physical attractiveness is just fine, but the event of being dumped by this smart and beautiful woman hurt your self-confidence, and caused you to seem less attractive to other women afterwards.
The sort of guy who thinks a girl broke up with him because of his unattractiveness is very unattractive to most women, whereas the sort of guy who thinks “it’s her loss, I was out of her league anyways” is highly attractive. If you get (or learn to fake) more self confidence, I predict that your success will return. Ironically, being arrogant about how good you are is both necessary and almost sufficient to actually be good.
Young adult male here.
I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m nowhere near as attractive or good with girls as I thought I was.
I got my first girlfriend pretty much by accident last year. It was so incredibly amazing that I decided that romantic success was something I needed to become very good at. I spent quite a while reading about it, and thinking about how to be attractive and successful with women. I broke up with my girlfriend as I moved to a small town for two months at the beginning of this year, during which time I practiced approaching girls and flirting with them.
Then I moved to college, and the first attractive, smart girl I saw, I went up to her and got her as a girlfriend pretty much immediately. I thought that I must have been very good and attractive to have gotten such a gorgeous girlfriend so quickly. She broke up with me after a month or two. She immediately moved through two or three boyfriends over the space of a month or two. Meanwhile, I’ve been looking for a new girlfriend, but haven’t had any success.
So I thought I was attractive and good with girls, and then it turned out that I just had a wild stroke of luck. So it goes.
I’m suspicious that I was simply arrogant about how good I was, and if I had thought more dispassionately, I wouldn’t have been so wrong in my assessment of my own attractiveness.
Might I suggest that you may be looking at this all wrong- women are more attracted to your confidence than your looks. I suspect that your physical attractiveness is just fine, but the event of being dumped by this smart and beautiful woman hurt your self-confidence, and caused you to seem less attractive to other women afterwards.
The sort of guy who thinks a girl broke up with him because of his unattractiveness is very unattractive to most women, whereas the sort of guy who thinks “it’s her loss, I was out of her league anyways” is highly attractive. If you get (or learn to fake) more self confidence, I predict that your success will return. Ironically, being arrogant about how good you are is both necessary and almost sufficient to actually be good.
I don’t mean attractiveness just in the sense of physical looks. I mean the whole thing of my social standing, confidence and perceived coolness.
But thanks for the advice.