Let me rephrase my objection on this point. You explain the rules/exceptions dynamic as motivated by signaling. It’s hard to give examples, because you don’t actually explain the specific function of not stating the “real rule” in any particular case.
My explanation is different. I think that it’s that it’s difficult and contrary to common sense to explicitly state the real rule, with all its nuances and layers.
For example, it’s very easy to say “I’m gonna stop eating cookies.” Then it’s two months later, you eat a cookie, and you make an “exception” that it was OK because you’d been good for so long, or because they’re really good cookies, or whatever. It feels, in the moment, like an appropriate action, even though it violates your original rule.
Then you continue under the assumption that the rule is “I’m gonna stop eating cookies...” until you feel the time is right again to eat another cookie.
The reason you don’t specify the specific circumstances or timing for when it’s OK to eat cookies isn’t necessarily because you want to show yourself what a good dieter you are, or show other people.
It’s just that the idea that you’d explicitly specify the complete rule set seems hard, weird, and just doesn’t occur to most people.
I do think that signaling can enter in here, if people consider what it would look like to others to have some elaborate, constantly modified explicit ruleset for cookie-eating. That might be a factor weighing against it. People want to come across as having willpower, not being neurotic, having good healthy habits already, and being effortlessly successful.
There’s a big difference in explaining why it’s common sense not to create big complicated rulesets for behavior, and why any individual person avoids creating those rulesets.
I think for individuals, the reason is that it’s not common sense, and that even if it were, it’s often hard to think the problem through.
I think the reason why it’s not common sense in the first place does have more to do with signaling and attendant coordination problems. Is it polite to offer alcohol at parties? What if we know that one of the attendees is secretly a recovering alcoholic? Is it polite to refuse dessert if we’re trying to diet? Is it impolite to offer if we know somebody’s trying to diet?
It’s hard to give examples, because you don’t actually explain the specific function of not stating the “real rule” in any particular case.
By no means is it hard to give examples. Indeed, I did give several examples in an earlier comment.
As for reasons to keep the real rule unstated, they seem clear enough to me. I did not state them because I considered them too obvious to belabor… of course, it’s possible that I was wrong about this!
I can make my views of this explicit, if you like, but I don’t think I will be adding much to the understanding of signaling already common in this forum. In fact, I wonder if anyone else (perhaps one of the folks who liked or benefited from this post) would like to try their hand at explaining this? It would give me useful info about whether readers of this post understood it as I intended it to be understood (and would help to clarify the post for anyone confused, of course).
Personally, I hear the phrase “signaling” used often, but it’s starting to sound a little hollow. Who is signaling what, to whom, why, how do they know how it’s being perceived, how do we know this, and what else is going on? I demand specifics!
Quite reasonable. In that case, yes, I invite readers who enjoyed (and believe that they did properly understand) this post to say what they believe the answer to this question is.
If there aren’t any responses in, let us say, two weeks, then I will post my own explanation.
Let me rephrase my objection on this point. You explain the rules/exceptions dynamic as motivated by signaling. It’s hard to give examples, because you don’t actually explain the specific function of not stating the “real rule” in any particular case.
My explanation is different. I think that it’s that it’s difficult and contrary to common sense to explicitly state the real rule, with all its nuances and layers.
For example, it’s very easy to say “I’m gonna stop eating cookies.” Then it’s two months later, you eat a cookie, and you make an “exception” that it was OK because you’d been good for so long, or because they’re really good cookies, or whatever. It feels, in the moment, like an appropriate action, even though it violates your original rule.
Then you continue under the assumption that the rule is “I’m gonna stop eating cookies...” until you feel the time is right again to eat another cookie.
The reason you don’t specify the specific circumstances or timing for when it’s OK to eat cookies isn’t necessarily because you want to show yourself what a good dieter you are, or show other people.
It’s just that the idea that you’d explicitly specify the complete rule set seems hard, weird, and just doesn’t occur to most people.
I do think that signaling can enter in here, if people consider what it would look like to others to have some elaborate, constantly modified explicit ruleset for cookie-eating. That might be a factor weighing against it. People want to come across as having willpower, not being neurotic, having good healthy habits already, and being effortlessly successful.
There’s a big difference in explaining why it’s common sense not to create big complicated rulesets for behavior, and why any individual person avoids creating those rulesets.
I think for individuals, the reason is that it’s not common sense, and that even if it were, it’s often hard to think the problem through.
I think the reason why it’s not common sense in the first place does have more to do with signaling and attendant coordination problems. Is it polite to offer alcohol at parties? What if we know that one of the attendees is secretly a recovering alcoholic? Is it polite to refuse dessert if we’re trying to diet? Is it impolite to offer if we know somebody’s trying to diet?
By no means is it hard to give examples. Indeed, I did give several examples in an earlier comment.
As for reasons to keep the real rule unstated, they seem clear enough to me. I did not state them because I considered them too obvious to belabor… of course, it’s possible that I was wrong about this!
I can make my views of this explicit, if you like, but I don’t think I will be adding much to the understanding of signaling already common in this forum. In fact, I wonder if anyone else (perhaps one of the folks who liked or benefited from this post) would like to try their hand at explaining this? It would give me useful info about whether readers of this post understood it as I intended it to be understood (and would help to clarify the post for anyone confused, of course).
Personally, I hear the phrase “signaling” used often, but it’s starting to sound a little hollow. Who is signaling what, to whom, why, how do they know how it’s being perceived, how do we know this, and what else is going on? I demand specifics!
Quite reasonable. In that case, yes, I invite readers who enjoyed (and believe that they did properly understand) this post to say what they believe the answer to this question is.
If there aren’t any responses in, let us say, two weeks, then I will post my own explanation.