Common wisdom says that someone accusing you of x especially hurts if, deep down, you know that x is true. This is confusing because the general pattern I observe is closer to the opposite. At the same time, I don’t think common wisdom is totally without a basis here.
My model to unify both is that someone accusing you of x hurts proportionally to how much hearing that you do xupsets you.[1] And of course, one reason that it might upset you is that it’s not true. But a separate reason is that you’ve made an effort to delude yourself about it. If you’re a selfish person but spend a lot of effort pretending that you’re not selfish at all, you super don’t want to hear that you’re actually selfish.
Under this model, if someone gets very upset, it might be that that deep down they know the accusation is true, and they’ve tried to pretend it’s not, but it might also be that the accusation is super duper not true, and they’re upset precisely because it’s so outrageous.
I think this simplifies a lot by looking at public acceptance of a proposition, rather than literal internal truth. It hurts if you think people will believe it, and that will impact their treatment of you.
The “hurts because it’s true” heuristic is taking a path through “true is plausible”, in order to reinforce the taunt.
Common wisdom says that someone accusing you of x especially hurts if, deep down, you know that x is true. This is confusing because the general pattern I observe is closer to the opposite. At the same time, I don’t think common wisdom is totally without a basis here.
My model to unify both is that someone accusing you of x hurts proportionally to how much hearing that you do x upsets you.[1] And of course, one reason that it might upset you is that it’s not true. But a separate reason is that you’ve made an effort to delude yourself about it. If you’re a selfish person but spend a lot of effort pretending that you’re not selfish at all, you super don’t want to hear that you’re actually selfish.
Under this model, if someone gets very upset, it might be that that deep down they know the accusation is true, and they’ve tried to pretend it’s not, but it might also be that the accusation is super duper not true, and they’re upset precisely because it’s so outrageous.
Proportional just means it’s one multiplicative factor, though. I think it also matters how high-status you perceive the other person to be.
I think this simplifies a lot by looking at public acceptance of a proposition, rather than literal internal truth. It hurts if you think people will believe it, and that will impact their treatment of you.
The “hurts because it’s true” heuristic is taking a path through “true is plausible”, in order to reinforce the taunt.