I’m curious if Submitter B has similar experiences to the “creepy behavior” that they would describe as discussions, or if every similar experience has come across as an argument. That is, the line between putting forward differing interpretations and denying the data may not be a crisp one, and there may be communication techniques both B and the people B converses with could use to make that line clearer.
One of the things that I’ve noticed about myself is that for quite some time, unless it was something frequently discussed so I had good calibration data (like happiness), I had the one example problem where I would model my range as the full human range. To use an example with made-up numbers, was I a punctual person or not? Well, I was on time sometimes, and late sometimes, and so I didn’t see punctuality as part of my identity. But discussing it with other people helped me discover that I was on time 95% of the time, and the general population was on time 50% of the time, and so in the eyes of other people I was “punctual” because I was “more punctual than most,” not because I met my own standards for punctuality.
but when they’re skeptical about things I say about myself, this is ingratiating.
The numbers (“95%”, “50%” in your example) are good to illustrate the differences. But sometimes hard to obtain.
For example when I read the part about other people reinterpreting a person’s self-description, my first reaction was: but that happens to me, too; by men and by women. (And I find it annoying, too. On the other hand, I find many people annoying in many ways, and this specific one is not among the worst examples.) But there could be a difference in frequency. Maybe for an average man it happens once in a month, and for an average women once in an hour. That would certainly explain the different reactions! Problem is I can’t even provide a good estimate for myself. (Which is an evidence that is happens rarely.)
but when they’re skeptical about things I say about myself, this is ingratiating.
The numbers (“95%”, “50%” in your example) are good to illustrate the differences. But sometimes hard to obtain.
Indeed, which is why I made them up! :P
Problem is I can’t even provide a good estimate for myself.
I can think of one time when this happened to me and was annoying, about 2 months ago. Every other time that I can remember when someone has contradicted one of my self-assessments, I’ve responded positively, because I enjoy getting feedback about myself.
I’m curious if Submitter B has similar experiences to the “creepy behavior” that they would describe as discussions, or if every similar experience has come across as an argument. That is, the line between putting forward differing interpretations and denying the data may not be a crisp one, and there may be communication techniques both B and the people B converses with could use to make that line clearer.
One of the things that I’ve noticed about myself is that for quite some time, unless it was something frequently discussed so I had good calibration data (like happiness), I had the one example problem where I would model my range as the full human range. To use an example with made-up numbers, was I a punctual person or not? Well, I was on time sometimes, and late sometimes, and so I didn’t see punctuality as part of my identity. But discussing it with other people helped me discover that I was on time 95% of the time, and the general population was on time 50% of the time, and so in the eyes of other people I was “punctual” because I was “more punctual than most,” not because I met my own standards for punctuality.
I suspect this sentence is missing a ‘not.’
The numbers (“95%”, “50%” in your example) are good to illustrate the differences. But sometimes hard to obtain.
For example when I read the part about other people reinterpreting a person’s self-description, my first reaction was: but that happens to me, too; by men and by women. (And I find it annoying, too. On the other hand, I find many people annoying in many ways, and this specific one is not among the worst examples.) But there could be a difference in frequency. Maybe for an average man it happens once in a month, and for an average women once in an hour. That would certainly explain the different reactions! Problem is I can’t even provide a good estimate for myself. (Which is an evidence that is happens rarely.)
See, you’re doing it again!
:D
Indeed, which is why I made them up! :P
I can think of one time when this happened to me and was annoying, about 2 months ago. Every other time that I can remember when someone has contradicted one of my self-assessments, I’ve responded positively, because I enjoy getting feedback about myself.