I agree that this happens but I think it’s not nice to point it out unless the user has specifically requested it? If you think it’s important to point out, then starting with questions and asking permission to offer input are more respectful and effective ways to communicate
For example, I will sometimes respond to a direct question about feelings or emotional states, and people will jump in to tell me I am rationalitying wrong. Even though I made no mention of how I handled that emotional state or what my actions were! I was just reporting on the initial situation. It’s in those times that people usually just tell me to think/do what I usually do and it’s arrogant and not particularly insightful. =/
I can’t speak for your experience in this case, but this is, after all, a rationality/unbiasing site. If they think you’re Doing It Wrong, then it’s not exactly offtopic to point it out.
On the other hand, people who offer correction (and offering correction can be a very strong motivation) should consider how much evidence they’re got that they’re addressing a real problem.
Very true. As I said, I can’t speak for your experience of this, I’m just pointing out that it’s not exactly a non-sequiter. It may well have been rude and/or based on insufficient evidence, of course.
Nono, you’re right. But I think it’s not just rude but also a failure to wait before proposing solutions, which is all sorts of useful in general. This is a good context to practice in!
I wish LW had a bit more of a handshake culture where we try to converge to a common phrasing to describe a topic before we actually try to discuss it. Something like
Do I understand you are saying [paraphrase]?
Sort of, but I also mean [original paraphrase with additional, necessary detail].
[ … ]
I was going to say that [initial phrase] demonstrates [this tricky bias] but since you pointed out [necessary detail] then I guess it could have been [this other thing].
This allows the first person to demonstrate their reasoning about what they initially wanted to say, but also consider the actual problem, as well as gauge how far off their initial guess was. And then the other person doesn’t feel misunderstood, so they’re motivated to continue the conversation instead of just not replying.
I agree that this happens but I think it’s not nice to point it out unless the user has specifically requested it? If you think it’s important to point out, then starting with questions and asking permission to offer input are more respectful and effective ways to communicate
For example, I will sometimes respond to a direct question about feelings or emotional states, and people will jump in to tell me I am rationalitying wrong. Even though I made no mention of how I handled that emotional state or what my actions were! I was just reporting on the initial situation. It’s in those times that people usually just tell me to think/do what I usually do and it’s arrogant and not particularly insightful. =/
I can’t speak for your experience in this case, but this is, after all, a rationality/unbiasing site. If they think you’re Doing It Wrong, then it’s not exactly offtopic to point it out.
On the other hand, people who offer correction (and offering correction can be a very strong motivation) should consider how much evidence they’re got that they’re addressing a real problem.
Or that they’re addressing it in a way that is likely to motivate the person to correct it!
Very true. As I said, I can’t speak for your experience of this, I’m just pointing out that it’s not exactly a non-sequiter. It may well have been rude and/or based on insufficient evidence, of course.
Nono, you’re right. But I think it’s not just rude but also a failure to wait before proposing solutions, which is all sorts of useful in general. This is a good context to practice in!
You know, you’re absolutely right. Upvoted.
I wish LW had a bit more of a handshake culture where we try to converge to a common phrasing to describe a topic before we actually try to discuss it. Something like
This allows the first person to demonstrate their reasoning about what they initially wanted to say, but also consider the actual problem, as well as gauge how far off their initial guess was. And then the other person doesn’t feel misunderstood, so they’re motivated to continue the conversation instead of just not replying.