“Offended or hurt” doesn’t enter into it. This isn’t about hazy feelings; it’s about hard practical effects of actions: do we accomplish what we want to accomplish?
Let’s say you and your interlocutor disagreed about your intention in saying that they were wrong (about whatever). Your interlocutor believes that your intention was for them to shut up and go away, but actually that wasn’t what you meant at all; you meant to invite more discussion.
They are wrong about you.
And you want them to have a correct belief about you.
But … how can you cause your interlocutor to possess a correct belief about your intention? You could lecture them about how wrong they are to have misinterpreted you. But that won’t work if they will take your lecturing as meaning “shut up and go away” … and may very well do so.
That’s all I’m saying. You can’t force people to understand you, or to want to understand you. If you really want to get your ideas across (because you care about those ideas — not because you’re trying to find people who will easily like you) then you use the try harder which probably involves restating them in a way that doesn’t repel people.
Or … well, you could say that you never really cared about that kind of person’s understanding, and really you never wanted a discussion with that kind of person.
But in that case … they weren’t wrong about you, were they?
But in that case … they weren’t wrong about you, were they?
There are plenty of people who would be correct in concluding that I would bear them hostility if I knew what they were like.
They would be incorrect to conclude that the priors I assign to that type of person among LW is very high, and incorrect to assume that my asserting that someone is wrong indicates I have concluded the person is that type of person, so that my comment indicates hostile intent.
Perhaps I’ve given you an incorrect impression.
If you really want to get your ideas across
While I have proselytizing tendencies, that’s not my fundamental goal, particularly in a forum disagreement. Given my limited resources of me, my proselytizing attitude is to sing to those with the ears to hear. People who are assuming that I am hostile are not the low hanging fruit in that regard.
But people who assume I am hostile can be perfectly fine partners in a disagreement. In a disagreement, I am primarily hoping to change my own mind, whether in correcting an error, or clarifying hazy positions of my own. They might even be better, in that they won’t cut me slack when I am sloppy. People who dislike you can be perfectly useful in a discussion. The enemy of my enemy (our ignorance) is my friend.
But I find it strange that you think I should find it hopelessly futile to try to change a person’s assumptions about my intent, but a productive use of my time to try to change their minds about some other fact of reality.
“Offended or hurt” doesn’t enter into it. This isn’t about hazy feelings; it’s about hard practical effects of actions: do we accomplish what we want to accomplish?
Let’s say you and your interlocutor disagreed about your intention in saying that they were wrong (about whatever). Your interlocutor believes that your intention was for them to shut up and go away, but actually that wasn’t what you meant at all; you meant to invite more discussion.
They are wrong about you.
And you want them to have a correct belief about you.
But … how can you cause your interlocutor to possess a correct belief about your intention? You could lecture them about how wrong they are to have misinterpreted you. But that won’t work if they will take your lecturing as meaning “shut up and go away” … and may very well do so.
That’s all I’m saying. You can’t force people to understand you, or to want to understand you. If you really want to get your ideas across (because you care about those ideas — not because you’re trying to find people who will easily like you) then you use the try harder which probably involves restating them in a way that doesn’t repel people.
Or … well, you could say that you never really cared about that kind of person’s understanding, and really you never wanted a discussion with that kind of person.
But in that case … they weren’t wrong about you, were they?
There are plenty of people who would be correct in concluding that I would bear them hostility if I knew what they were like.
They would be incorrect to conclude that the priors I assign to that type of person among LW is very high, and incorrect to assume that my asserting that someone is wrong indicates I have concluded the person is that type of person, so that my comment indicates hostile intent.
Perhaps I’ve given you an incorrect impression.
While I have proselytizing tendencies, that’s not my fundamental goal, particularly in a forum disagreement. Given my limited resources of me, my proselytizing attitude is to sing to those with the ears to hear. People who are assuming that I am hostile are not the low hanging fruit in that regard.
But people who assume I am hostile can be perfectly fine partners in a disagreement. In a disagreement, I am primarily hoping to change my own mind, whether in correcting an error, or clarifying hazy positions of my own. They might even be better, in that they won’t cut me slack when I am sloppy. People who dislike you can be perfectly useful in a discussion. The enemy of my enemy (our ignorance) is my friend.
But I find it strange that you think I should find it hopelessly futile to try to change a person’s assumptions about my intent, but a productive use of my time to try to change their minds about some other fact of reality.