Do other people associate smileys and exclamations with femininity, or is it just me?
Apparently! I started talking to someone about this and he just told me this exact thing independently of you. He said men can only use smileys with women because it’s flirting. (??) Which is weird to me because I’ve met men who are WAY more animated than I am in meatspace. Do they also not use exclamation marks? I don’t think I’d be able chat with them online if they didn’t; my brain would explode.
But actually, I think this whole issue comes up because we subconsciously communicate a lot of those “I still like you! I’m not hostile! I’m still having a good time!” messages in meatspace through non-verbal things like smiles and pats and vocal tone, etc. So people that resist adding those into their text think they’re being asked to do something extra that they never do, but I think, they do do it and just don’t realize it because it comes more naturally.
You know, I was just about to make a poll about this! But I’m on an iPad, so that’s a bad idea.
Do you think a lot of LW people are bad at those cues in real life? Do you think they actively resent having to be good at them in real life as well? I figured LW-ers would recognize the utility of these messages out in meatspace, but it might have just not crossed their mind.
I’d rather not speculate about “a lot of LW people,” since I am just one person and I’m not making observations about myself, per se.
But I have at least one friend in real life who struggles with social cues and I think she’d be pretty excited to find an environment where she didn’t have to deal with them. So I’d imagine there are people with different perspectives on it, some of them actively against it, some passively supportive of the current setup, and some unaware that there’s a decision being made, and I have no idea how to distinguish how many of each. I guess a poll would be appropriate.
I sort of assumed that even people who struggle with social cues would understand their instrumental value, at least on an intellectual level. But there’s definitely a typical mind component in that thinking because I know nothing about the social lives of most LW-ers or the average LW-er and how much they interact with humans in meatspace and how they feel about it.
So I thought more about this poll and realized I would need one of those “strongly agree—strongly disagree” matrices to get any good results. Which is an even heftier undertaking.
Because you are trying to be extra-friendly and non-threatening, or because you’re trying to use smileys to directly indicate your attraction/interest?
I’m both emotionally more inclined to be smiling and thus typing smileys when chatting with someone I’m attracted to AND occasionally consciously aware of smileys and that I might want to toss one in to be extra-friendly. I don’t think it’s a known notion that smileys are flirtatious or about attraction so I don’t really use them that way, though maybe I should.
Apparently! I started talking to someone about this and he just told me this exact thing independently of you. He said men can only use smileys with women because it’s flirting. (??) Which is weird to me because I’ve met men who are WAY more animated than I am in meatspace. Do they also not use exclamation marks? I don’t think I’d be able chat with them online if they didn’t; my brain would explode.
But actually, I think this whole issue comes up because we subconsciously communicate a lot of those “I still like you! I’m not hostile! I’m still having a good time!” messages in meatspace through non-verbal things like smiles and pats and vocal tone, etc. So people that resist adding those into their text think they’re being asked to do something extra that they never do, but I think, they do do it and just don’t realize it because it comes more naturally.
I agree with you, but:
I might suspect that for many people on Less Wrong this does not come as naturally as it does to most people :P
You know, I was just about to make a poll about this! But I’m on an iPad, so that’s a bad idea.
Do you think a lot of LW people are bad at those cues in real life? Do you think they actively resent having to be good at them in real life as well? I figured LW-ers would recognize the utility of these messages out in meatspace, but it might have just not crossed their mind.
I’d rather not speculate about “a lot of LW people,” since I am just one person and I’m not making observations about myself, per se.
But I have at least one friend in real life who struggles with social cues and I think she’d be pretty excited to find an environment where she didn’t have to deal with them. So I’d imagine there are people with different perspectives on it, some of them actively against it, some passively supportive of the current setup, and some unaware that there’s a decision being made, and I have no idea how to distinguish how many of each. I guess a poll would be appropriate.
I sort of assumed that even people who struggle with social cues would understand their instrumental value, at least on an intellectual level. But there’s definitely a typical mind component in that thinking because I know nothing about the social lives of most LW-ers or the average LW-er and how much they interact with humans in meatspace and how they feel about it.
So I thought more about this poll and realized I would need one of those “strongly agree—strongly disagree” matrices to get any good results. Which is an even heftier undertaking.
Meta: an excellent example of how a post can look friendly without reducing information content (or even using smileys!)
I’m hugely more likely to use smileys when talking to someone I find attractive online
Because you are trying to be extra-friendly and non-threatening, or because you’re trying to use smileys to directly indicate your attraction/interest?
I’m both emotionally more inclined to be smiling and thus typing smileys when chatting with someone I’m attracted to AND occasionally consciously aware of smileys and that I might want to toss one in to be extra-friendly. I don’t think it’s a known notion that smileys are flirtatious or about attraction so I don’t really use them that way, though maybe I should.
Nono, I don’t think you should! I think this is actually where that “smileys are flirty” impression originated.
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^_^