I must confess, I don’t find your advice helpful either.
Whether or not there is a “procedure” for conversation, there a good ways to do it, and bad ways to do it. People can certainly handle it naturally, but that doesn’t tell anything to the non-naturals about how to do it. If you actually find it to be procedureless, this means you’re already a natural and only have Level 1 understanding, and so are unable to articulate where other’s shortcomings are so that they can bridge the gap to reach your skill.
See HughRistik’s great article and in particular this comment about how much of your own knowledge you can be unaware of if you’ve never been without it.
“Try, try again” is insufficient to improve. You can try forever without improvement if you can’t recognize what you were doing right, and what you weren’t. This information doesn’t spontaneously unfold from your DNA as a result of being in social situations. And (see below), I have indeed tried again and again and again (edit: sentence wasn’t completed in original comment).
I’ve already done exactly what you suggest, going out, and drinking, and benefitting form the lower inhibitions to talking that come with alcohol. I’ve done this quite a bit, but I’ve never seen any of the skill carry over to when I’m not intoxicated. Furthermore, I’ve pretended to be an extrovert, but it really makes no difference from the inside or on the outside: it doesn’t automagically allow me to make conversation where I otherwise wouldn’t.
Whatever problems I might have, fear of failure is not among them. It is, at most, fear of that failure cascading into very damaging personal consequences. And given my personal experience, these fears are extremely well-grounded. Nevertheless, I quite often go out to socialize and join groups, actively participate in them, and—suprise surprise—I do fail to form relationships or improve social skills, and I fail quite often, to the point where it’s no longer a big deal.
I hate to be such a nannering nabob of negativity, but most of what I hear really is ignorant of the problems people like me might actually face, because the advice giver can’t conceive of being in that state. I appreciate you trying to help, but, despite your claim to have been an introvert, you advice really sounds like you have not actually been in a position that’s informative about this issue, as that would allow you to say more specifically what one has to do to cross the barrier.
I can teach people calculus and trigonometry. I can say a lot more than just, “try, don’t be afraid of failure, and show some willpower”. Why can’t you?
I must confess, I don’t find your advice helpful either.
Whether or not there is a “procedure” for conversation, there a good ways to do it, and bad ways to do it. People can certainly handle it naturally, but that doesn’t tell anything to the non-naturals about how to do it. If you actually find it to be procedureless, this means you’re already a natural and only have Level 1 understanding, and so are unable to articulate where other’s shortcomings are so that they can bridge the gap to reach your skill.
See HughRistik’s great article and in particular this comment about how much of your own knowledge you can be unaware of if you’ve never been without it.
“Try, try again” is insufficient to improve. You can try forever without improvement if you can’t recognize what you were doing right, and what you weren’t. This information doesn’t spontaneously unfold from your DNA as a result of being in social situations. And (see below), I have indeed tried again and again and again (edit: sentence wasn’t completed in original comment).
I’ve already done exactly what you suggest, going out, and drinking, and benefitting form the lower inhibitions to talking that come with alcohol. I’ve done this quite a bit, but I’ve never seen any of the skill carry over to when I’m not intoxicated. Furthermore, I’ve pretended to be an extrovert, but it really makes no difference from the inside or on the outside: it doesn’t automagically allow me to make conversation where I otherwise wouldn’t.
Whatever problems I might have, fear of failure is not among them. It is, at most, fear of that failure cascading into very damaging personal consequences. And given my personal experience, these fears are extremely well-grounded. Nevertheless, I quite often go out to socialize and join groups, actively participate in them, and—suprise surprise—I do fail to form relationships or improve social skills, and I fail quite often, to the point where it’s no longer a big deal.
I hate to be such a nannering nabob of negativity, but most of what I hear really is ignorant of the problems people like me might actually face, because the advice giver can’t conceive of being in that state. I appreciate you trying to help, but, despite your claim to have been an introvert, you advice really sounds like you have not actually been in a position that’s informative about this issue, as that would allow you to say more specifically what one has to do to cross the barrier.
I can teach people calculus and trigonometry. I can say a lot more than just, “try, don’t be afraid of failure, and show some willpower”. Why can’t you?