You won me in the first paragraph and your description of Vassar’s psyche.
I could promptly visualize his curious face investigating the walls, wrinkles between his eyes while he tries to draw mental connections between 11 different sources before coming up with an “Aha!”, followed by an elegant (normally accurate) explanation he’ll be pleased to share.
Developing over Rain: if you have time, you are curious and can make the other person at ease, questions will take you miles into the conversation. You’ll learn, and the other person will be pleased to share.
However, I also agree with JoshuaZ: inane subjects are a problem. One should not fake curiosity, and all subjects are not equally interesting. If the person only talks about something you don’t give a damn, faking interest wastes time and poisons your soul.
Talking to this person then becomes a gamble: “what is my expectation of maybe reaching something interesting here, if I keep asking questions enough for the next X minutes?”. Of course, given enough time, you’ll reach something interesting. But time is finite, and nobody seems to have enough time anymore, anyway.
So, with this person you could:
a. learn in the meta level (observe the dynamics of the conversation, or try to figure out his/her behavior); or
b. be the talker (if the person likes what you have to say, or you think you can help with something); or
c. just present her to someone who happens to also like celebrity gossips, make both happy, and excuse yourself to go find the waiter with the valuable cheese appetizers.
However, I also agree with JoshuaZ: inane subjects are a problem. One should not fake curiosity, and all subjects are not equally interesting. If the person only talks about something you don’t give a damn, faking interest wastes time and poisons your soul.
[...]
a. learn in the meta level (observe the dynamics of the conversation, or try to figure out his/her behavior);
I recast the problem with solution ‘a’.
Instead of faking interest in a boring topic, what I am doing is being genuinely interested in the person talking about that topic. From that view, every question I ask in such a conversation is not to learn about the topic itself, but the person who’s talking about it. What’s their mental process for examining the situation? Why do they find it interesting? How much does it affect their thoughts on other subjects? Do they have life rules that can be gleaned from ‘common wisdom’ in their area of interest? It’s all part of my goal for such events: enjoy the person’s company, and try to get them to enjoy mine, by understanding who they really are.
Over a long period of time, this has helped to normalize my social interactions. That is, I can appear normal when I want to.
You won me in the first paragraph and your description of Vassar’s psyche.
I could promptly visualize his curious face investigating the walls, wrinkles between his eyes while he tries to draw mental connections between 11 different sources before coming up with an “Aha!”, followed by an elegant (normally accurate) explanation he’ll be pleased to share.
Developing over Rain: if you have time, you are curious and can make the other person at ease, questions will take you miles into the conversation. You’ll learn, and the other person will be pleased to share.
However, I also agree with JoshuaZ: inane subjects are a problem. One should not fake curiosity, and all subjects are not equally interesting. If the person only talks about something you don’t give a damn, faking interest wastes time and poisons your soul.
Talking to this person then becomes a gamble: “what is my expectation of maybe reaching something interesting here, if I keep asking questions enough for the next X minutes?”. Of course, given enough time, you’ll reach something interesting. But time is finite, and nobody seems to have enough time anymore, anyway.
So, with this person you could:
a. learn in the meta level (observe the dynamics of the conversation, or try to figure out his/her behavior); or
b. be the talker (if the person likes what you have to say, or you think you can help with something); or
c. just present her to someone who happens to also like celebrity gossips, make both happy, and excuse yourself to go find the waiter with the valuable cheese appetizers.
I recast the problem with solution ‘a’.
Instead of faking interest in a boring topic, what I am doing is being genuinely interested in the person talking about that topic. From that view, every question I ask in such a conversation is not to learn about the topic itself, but the person who’s talking about it. What’s their mental process for examining the situation? Why do they find it interesting? How much does it affect their thoughts on other subjects? Do they have life rules that can be gleaned from ‘common wisdom’ in their area of interest? It’s all part of my goal for such events: enjoy the person’s company, and try to get them to enjoy mine, by understanding who they really are.
Over a long period of time, this has helped to normalize my social interactions. That is, I can appear normal when I want to.