In this post you indicated that you have already been doing a lot of productive work going places and practicing conversations. What I’m saying is just that continuing to do more of that is pretty much the only way of building more skills, and it does come with risks of rejection.
You’re giving me something that has downside risk no one else would tolerate,
What’s the difference between what you’ve been doing, and going to a coffeeshop or bookstore and talking to a couple of people? I’m a little confused. From that previous post, it sounds like the risk is mostly in your head, since you’ve listed a number of recent successes. Doesn’t what you’ve been doing have downside risks as well? There are lots of strangers at weddings, for instance.
The answers to the first block are all yes
So the bad experiences you described were all in a different town? How long ago? And are you reluctant to go to a bookstore and talk to people because you don’t want to wipe out your practice grounds in your current town, like you believe you did in the previous town?
You’ve indicated that you’ve been complimented on your ability to make people feel comfortable in a group. This ability can transfer to starting friendly conversations with people in a public place.
Also, since I’ve had lots of conversations with non-strangers with no improvement, its not clear how I would even know what I’m doing wrong.
I can guarantee that there’s been some improvement. And you don’t need to know what you’ve been doing wrong; at least for me, trying to figure out exact rules and specify my mistakes was just an exercise in frustration. People react in weird ways sometimes, and you can’t always predict or model when and why, but with practice, you can reduce the frequency of negative reactions.
In this post you indicated that you have already been doing a lot of productive work going places and practicing conversations. What I’m saying is just that continuing to do more of that is pretty much the only way of building more skills, and it does come with risks of rejection.
What’s the difference between what you’ve been doing, and going to a coffeeshop or bookstore and talking to a couple of people? I’m a little confused. From that previous post, it sounds like the risk is mostly in your head, since you’ve listed a number of recent successes. Doesn’t what you’ve been doing have downside risks as well? There are lots of strangers at weddings, for instance.
So the bad experiences you described were all in a different town? How long ago? And are you reluctant to go to a bookstore and talk to people because you don’t want to wipe out your practice grounds in your current town, like you believe you did in the previous town?
You’ve indicated that you’ve been complimented on your ability to make people feel comfortable in a group. This ability can transfer to starting friendly conversations with people in a public place.
I can guarantee that there’s been some improvement. And you don’t need to know what you’ve been doing wrong; at least for me, trying to figure out exact rules and specify my mistakes was just an exercise in frustration. People react in weird ways sometimes, and you can’t always predict or model when and why, but with practice, you can reduce the frequency of negative reactions.