This seems like something that natural conversationalists already do intuitively. They have a broad range of topic about which they can talk comfortably (either because they are knowledgeable about the specific subjects or because they have enough tools to carry on a conversation even in areas with which they are unfamiliar), and they can steer the conversation around these topics until they find one that their counterpart can also talk comfortably about. Bad conversationalists either aren’t comfortable talking about many subjects, are bad at transitioning from one subject to another, or can’t sense or don’t care when their counterpart doesn’t care about a given topic.
The flip side of this is that there are 3 ways of improving one’s conversational ability: learning more about more subjects, practicing transitions between various topics, and learning the cues for when one’s counterpart is bored or uninterested by the current topic. Kaj focuses on the second of these, but I think the other two strategies ought not be forgotten. It’s no use learning to steer the conversation when there are no areas of overlapping interest to steer to, or when you can’t recognize whether you are in one or not.
I think you brush upon a quite important point here: good conversation is less about being good at conversation and more about not being bad at it. People will talk quite happily with someone who is utterly boring, so long as it’s not for too long and they’ve got nothing better to do.
People are only really put off a conversation when a person does something odd.
Prime among these are non-sequiturs, unusually extreme opinions (especially about topics people normally don’t have extreme opinions about), and discussing topics which are generally understood as not being suitable for general conversation (such as topics which are invasive/personal, obscure, or too academic for the context—it’s fine to talk intellectually in the appropriate place, but not to strangers at a bar/club).
This seems like something that natural conversationalists already do intuitively. They have a broad range of topic about which they can talk comfortably (either because they are knowledgeable about the specific subjects or because they have enough tools to carry on a conversation even in areas with which they are unfamiliar), and they can steer the conversation around these topics until they find one that their counterpart can also talk comfortably about. Bad conversationalists either aren’t comfortable talking about many subjects, are bad at transitioning from one subject to another, or can’t sense or don’t care when their counterpart doesn’t care about a given topic.
The flip side of this is that there are 3 ways of improving one’s conversational ability: learning more about more subjects, practicing transitions between various topics, and learning the cues for when one’s counterpart is bored or uninterested by the current topic. Kaj focuses on the second of these, but I think the other two strategies ought not be forgotten. It’s no use learning to steer the conversation when there are no areas of overlapping interest to steer to, or when you can’t recognize whether you are in one or not.
I think you brush upon a quite important point here: good conversation is less about being good at conversation and more about not being bad at it. People will talk quite happily with someone who is utterly boring, so long as it’s not for too long and they’ve got nothing better to do.
People are only really put off a conversation when a person does something odd.
Prime among these are non-sequiturs, unusually extreme opinions (especially about topics people normally don’t have extreme opinions about), and discussing topics which are generally understood as not being suitable for general conversation (such as topics which are invasive/personal, obscure, or too academic for the context—it’s fine to talk intellectually in the appropriate place, but not to strangers at a bar/club).