“What is your kink (fetishes)?” “What have you done which has made you feel really morally bad?”
Now, typical friends wouldn’t exercise that power over you (at least you’d have reliable experiences and probably some symmetry in sensitive knowledge indicating thus).
However, I imagine the spread of people with non-standard notions of morality / social norms to be higher at a LW meetup, and I doubt you could consider everyone present in such an exchange your friend. With neither ‘typical’ nor ‘friend’ being applicable descriptors, you’d really be taking a chance.
Unless you’ve lived a conventionally virtuous life, a single anonymous email to your boss or casual gossipping about your kink could be your downfall. Excepting you being so open about your secrets that they’re not privileged information in the first place, and can be read about on okcupid.
Why would I want to work for the kind of boss who would fire me just because an anonymous email told them something I do in private with my girlfriend? Also, if I worked for such a boss, what would stop people from just making shit up? (I mean, besides my boss’s spam filter, which would also work if they told the truth anyway)
Why would I want to work for the kind of boss who would fire me just because
It mightn’t be a matter of “want”; one’s current job might be the only job one could find, or it might be a job that’s unusually good in most other respects, and therefore hard to replace with a different, superior job.
Also, if I worked for such a boss, what would stop people from just making shit up?
Basically nothing, in theory, but in practice most people have a moral barrier against anonymously spreading lies about you unless you’ve gone out of your way to piss them off, and the barrier is lower for anonymously spreading truths. I can easily imagine a psychologically normal person trying to get me fired by telling the truth simply because they dislike me; I have a harder time imagining a psychologically normal person trying to get me fired by lying unless I’ve crossed them.
Moreover, suppose your boss gets the email and isn’t sure whether it’s accurate, but so strongly disapproves of what it describes that they decide to probe you about it. If the email’s nothing but lies, you can straightforwardly say “that email’s nothing but lies” with a clear conscience. But if the email is basically correct, it’s hard to deny what it says without lying yourself, which is more psychologically demanding and has a greater risk of backfiring. As such a made-up email is less dangerous.
Basically nothing, in theory, but in practice most people have a moral barrier against anonymously spreading lies about you unless you’ve gone out of your way to piss them off, and the barrier is lower for anonymously spreading truths.
How much lower, in the case of explicitly private information? I mean, the contents of the e-mail in the made-up e-mail scenario are no less of a lie than “I won’t tell anybody” before asking in the truthful e-mail scenario.
Moreover, suppose your boss gets the email and isn’t sure whether it’s accurate, but so strongly disapproves of what it describes that they decide to probe you about it. If the email’s nothing but lies, you can straightforwardly say “that email’s nothing but lies” with a clear conscience. But if the email is basically correct, it’s hard to deny what it says without lying yourself, which is more psychologically demanding and has a greater risk of backfiring. As such a made-up email is less dangerous.
How much lower, in the case of explicitly private information?
If the email sender also morally disapproves of the actions described, then quite a bit lower. People are much less reluctant to release private information about others when the information is about (what they consider to be) misdeeds.
How much lower, in the case of explicitly private information? I mean, the contents of the e-mail in the made-up e-mail scenario are no less of a lie than “I won’t tell anybody” before asking in the truthful e-mail scenario.
It’s a fair question. It’s tricky for me to answer as I’m using my black box of social intuition to guess how people’s minds would work in a (relatively) uncommon situation I (thankfully) haven’t experienced, and it’s hard for me to open the box to see what model or evidence my gut’s calling on. I guess a kind of situation I have in mind is someone who says “I won’t tell anybody” with fully sincere intentions when they say it, but conveniently forgets about that before/at the time they start disliking the disclosee. I don’t know how realistic that scenario is, though.
Now, typical friends wouldn’t exercise that power over you (at least you’d have reliable experiences and probably some symmetry in sensitive knowledge indicating thus).
However, I imagine the spread of people with non-standard notions of morality / social norms to be higher at a LW meetup, and I doubt you could consider everyone present in such an exchange your friend. With neither ‘typical’ nor ‘friend’ being applicable descriptors, you’d really be taking a chance.
Unless you’ve lived a conventionally virtuous life, a single anonymous email to your boss or casual gossipping about your kink could be your downfall. Excepting you being so open about your secrets that they’re not privileged information in the first place, and can be read about on okcupid.
This one time, at band camp …
Why would I want to work for the kind of boss who would fire me just because an anonymous email told them something I do in private with my girlfriend? Also, if I worked for such a boss, what would stop people from just making shit up? (I mean, besides my boss’s spam filter, which would also work if they told the truth anyway)
It mightn’t be a matter of “want”; one’s current job might be the only job one could find, or it might be a job that’s unusually good in most other respects, and therefore hard to replace with a different, superior job.
Basically nothing, in theory, but in practice most people have a moral barrier against anonymously spreading lies about you unless you’ve gone out of your way to piss them off, and the barrier is lower for anonymously spreading truths. I can easily imagine a psychologically normal person trying to get me fired by telling the truth simply because they dislike me; I have a harder time imagining a psychologically normal person trying to get me fired by lying unless I’ve crossed them.
Moreover, suppose your boss gets the email and isn’t sure whether it’s accurate, but so strongly disapproves of what it describes that they decide to probe you about it. If the email’s nothing but lies, you can straightforwardly say “that email’s nothing but lies” with a clear conscience. But if the email is basically correct, it’s hard to deny what it says without lying yourself, which is more psychologically demanding and has a greater risk of backfiring. As such a made-up email is less dangerous.
How much lower, in the case of explicitly private information? I mean, the contents of the e-mail in the made-up e-mail scenario are no less of a lie than “I won’t tell anybody” before asking in the truthful e-mail scenario.
Good point.
If the email sender also morally disapproves of the actions described, then quite a bit lower. People are much less reluctant to release private information about others when the information is about (what they consider to be) misdeeds.
It’s a fair question. It’s tricky for me to answer as I’m using my black box of social intuition to guess how people’s minds would work in a (relatively) uncommon situation I (thankfully) haven’t experienced, and it’s hard for me to open the box to see what model or evidence my gut’s calling on. I guess a kind of situation I have in mind is someone who says “I won’t tell anybody” with fully sincere intentions when they say it, but conveniently forgets about that before/at the time they start disliking the disclosee. I don’t know how realistic that scenario is, though.