I’ve been paying more attention to this reaction over the last few days since reading this post, and realize that its’ often a bit different than “You’re calling this bad, I’ve done it, I don’t want to be a bad person, so I want to defend this as good.”
Oftentimes the actual reaction is something like “You’re calling this bad, and I’ve done it and don’t believe its’ bad. If I let this slide, I’m letting you set a precedent for calling my acceptable behavior bad, and I can’t do that.”
An example: Having lunch with my sister and her friend. They start making fun of Tom Cruise for dating a younger (but still adult) actress and getting her gifts on set. I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with age gaps and expressing the love language of giving gifts between consenting adults. If I don’t say anything, there’s a sense that I’m implicitly giving them license to call ME bad if I date someone with an age gap or give them gifts.
So I defend the practice, not because its’ suddenly about a part of myself I don’t want to look at, but because its’ attacking things I would or have done that I totally endorse.
I’ve been paying more attention to this reaction over the last few days since reading this post, and realize that its’ often a bit different than “You’re calling this bad, I’ve done it, I don’t want to be a bad person, so I want to defend this as good.”
Oftentimes the actual reaction is something like “You’re calling this bad, and I’ve done it and don’t believe its’ bad. If I let this slide, I’m letting you set a precedent for calling my acceptable behavior bad, and I can’t do that.”
An example: Having lunch with my sister and her friend. They start making fun of Tom Cruise for dating a younger (but still adult) actress and getting her gifts on set. I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with age gaps and expressing the love language of giving gifts between consenting adults. If I don’t say anything, there’s a sense that I’m implicitly giving them license to call ME bad if I date someone with an age gap or give them gifts.
So I defend the practice, not because its’ suddenly about a part of myself I don’t want to look at, but because its’ attacking things I would or have done that I totally endorse.