In the situation described in this post, I think the best option in most cases would have been for the parent to just say no. Once we get into the “recovery” section, the parent is limiting the child to two options: wait to eat the messy candy, or eat the messy candy and clean up afterwards. I’m not sure where you see the child as learning that choices are negotiable when they are not, or where you see too wide a set of options?
Separately, while I sort of agree that maintaining authority as a parent is important (kids do need to understand that some things you say are not optional, and be able to tell when that’s what’s happening) I don’t see how having some situations in which the children are choosing from an open field of possibilities undermines that.
I think there is, effectively, some missing context for a lot of others. You obviously have a lot. I’ve been following your blog for a long while, so my main takeaway has been the idea of ‘compensating’ kids when you accidentally offer them a ‘false choice’. I can understand tho why others might be ‘over-generalizing’ from this post in isolation.
In the situation described in this post, I think the best option in most cases would have been for the parent to just say no. Once we get into the “recovery” section, the parent is limiting the child to two options: wait to eat the messy candy, or eat the messy candy and clean up afterwards. I’m not sure where you see the child as learning that choices are negotiable when they are not, or where you see too wide a set of options?
Separately, while I sort of agree that maintaining authority as a parent is important (kids do need to understand that some things you say are not optional, and be able to tell when that’s what’s happening) I don’t see how having some situations in which the children are choosing from an open field of possibilities undermines that.
I think there is, effectively, some missing context for a lot of others. You obviously have a lot. I’ve been following your blog for a long while, so my main takeaway has been the idea of ‘compensating’ kids when you accidentally offer them a ‘false choice’. I can understand tho why others might be ‘over-generalizing’ from this post in isolation.