My parents really cared about making things fair and giving expectations of fairness, and I really enjoyed it. It contributed to many of my qualities I care about (commitment to objective reality, attempt at consistency, integration of different parts of the self).
But sometimes I wonder if the opposite would be better, especially for surviving in maze-ey environment a la moral mazes.
This is speculative, but I think kids probably do better if they have the grounding of a fair and respectful system at home, and experience with healthy communication. They will be able to learn other systems when they are older as needed.
I also think that “moral maze” like systems are not as common as people here sometimes seem to think. Working in eight different organizations, six post college, none of them have felt well described by that. And I think avoiding that sort of environment is generally a pretty good idea and a one that I expect to be pretty practical for my kids.
I agree with you in terms of the fair and respectful systems grounding. My own experience with mazey-ness has been that they cause me intense anxiety and distress, and I’d imagine having that earlier in childhood being a very bad thing.
In terms of mazey organizations being common… I feel like it really depends on where you are and where you’re from. In the social-economic section of China where I come from, for example, asking fake questions, sacrificing your own standards to fit in, manipulation, and “measure effort by who self-flagellates the hardest” are so common that they’re just the assumed backdrop for every conversation about career stuff and academic stuff. And I think it has a certain momentum on you that persists even when you leave. For example, I find myself having a tendency to be attracted by vaguely shiny and prestigious things, and that’s accounted for me landing in a sell-side quant position (VERY mazey) and a PhD program (somewhat mazey).
But yes all in all I agree that if surviving without bullshit is at all possible, developing a strong bullshit allergy is an awesome thing to do for your kids.
My parents really cared about making things fair and giving expectations of fairness, and I really enjoyed it. It contributed to many of my qualities I care about (commitment to objective reality, attempt at consistency, integration of different parts of the self).
But sometimes I wonder if the opposite would be better, especially for surviving in maze-ey environment a la moral mazes.
This is speculative, but I think kids probably do better if they have the grounding of a fair and respectful system at home, and experience with healthy communication. They will be able to learn other systems when they are older as needed.
I also think that “moral maze” like systems are not as common as people here sometimes seem to think. Working in eight different organizations, six post college, none of them have felt well described by that. And I think avoiding that sort of environment is generally a pretty good idea and a one that I expect to be pretty practical for my kids.
I agree with you in terms of the fair and respectful systems grounding. My own experience with mazey-ness has been that they cause me intense anxiety and distress, and I’d imagine having that earlier in childhood being a very bad thing.
In terms of mazey organizations being common… I feel like it really depends on where you are and where you’re from. In the social-economic section of China where I come from, for example, asking fake questions, sacrificing your own standards to fit in, manipulation, and “measure effort by who self-flagellates the hardest” are so common that they’re just the assumed backdrop for every conversation about career stuff and academic stuff. And I think it has a certain momentum on you that persists even when you leave. For example, I find myself having a tendency to be attracted by vaguely shiny and prestigious things, and that’s accounted for me landing in a sell-side quant position (VERY mazey) and a PhD program (somewhat mazey).
But yes all in all I agree that if surviving without bullshit is at all possible, developing a strong bullshit allergy is an awesome thing to do for your kids.