That’s the really sad part: no mental imagery with hallucinogens! Peyote, ayahuasca: nada, my hopes were dashed. The only effects with peyote, in meetings of the Native American Church, were a sense of connection and surrender, but there was nothing in terms of enhanced cognition. With ayahuasca, with a Huni Kuin shaman in Brazil, my mind dissolved into a state of bliss, but there was no imagery whatsoever—my mind was as dark as always.
My first ayahuasca ceremony was a personal healing for me, to rewire my brain and activate the missing part of my mind. I felt like there were psychedelic shapes coming into my head but I couldn’t see them; it was like knowing that something is there in the dark. It reminds me of when I gave a massage to a deaf client, who told me that she could feel the music during the massage and almost thought she was hearing it, but she couldn’t actually hear it. It gave my brain something to work with, it was the start of the rewiring process. I could feel the brain working hard to learn how to see, but it didn’t happen. No sense of journeying, just sitting in a state of nothingness.
My second ayahuasca experience, the following day with the same shaman, was a group ceremony. Here’s an excerpt from my journal from that ceremony:
“Ayahuasca told me that I am such an adept Buddhist and such an efficiency expert that I developed a method of staying glued to the present: I limited my neurological functioning in a way that prevents distraction of memory or other cognitive distractions. I am so devoted to the growth of my consciousness that I disabled the ability to recall past experiences or project myself into the future, or entertain myself with pictures or noises in my head. An evolutionary neurological mechanism to guarantee total focus! Because all experience of memory, all visualization, etc. is a distraction from present consciousness, and it is unnecessary! A brilliant spiritual solution that I devised for myself in this lifetime to learn presence. Bliss is the only thing that is real; all else is illusion and distraction. Even when Ayahuasca is activated in me, I don’t journey to other places, I don’t watch psychedelic video, I just remain present in the experience. What an extraordinary gift I have given to myself.”
But even so, i continue to feel that something essential is missing from my experience as a human being, and I continue to search for activation of mental imagery.
I don’t know if you’re still active on Lesswrong, but I wonder some things about ayahuasca. Hearing about it, I’m tempted to travel to Kapitari and take part in a ceremony. I’m cautious because of the fragility of the mental state, but then again, it may be healing.
My first ayahuasca ceremony was a personal healing for me, to rewire my brain and activate the missing part of my mind
Can you explain what you mean by activate the missing part of your mind?
Ayahuasca told me
What do you mean by told you? And how would that compare with other forms of telling, in intensity or whatever other dimension you can describe
Also, I feel that you’re writing here is somewhat unusual and abstract. I have noticed that in many writings by psychadelics users, and fear that I will become less capable of communicating effectively after use.
Thoughts from anyone else?
edit 1: also considering mushrooms more locally. a classmate’s boyfriend found and enjoyed some. thoughts?
Wow, the part you quote is fascinating. I would suggest what is missing is simply an ability to understand that the “present” you remain in is you alone, sharply defined. Once you let go or are forced to let go, you will be us. Perhaps I have been reading too much Christian de Quincey though......
That’s the really sad part: no mental imagery with hallucinogens! Peyote, ayahuasca: nada, my hopes were dashed. The only effects with peyote, in meetings of the Native American Church, were a sense of connection and surrender, but there was nothing in terms of enhanced cognition. With ayahuasca, with a Huni Kuin shaman in Brazil, my mind dissolved into a state of bliss, but there was no imagery whatsoever—my mind was as dark as always.
My first ayahuasca ceremony was a personal healing for me, to rewire my brain and activate the missing part of my mind. I felt like there were psychedelic shapes coming into my head but I couldn’t see them; it was like knowing that something is there in the dark. It reminds me of when I gave a massage to a deaf client, who told me that she could feel the music during the massage and almost thought she was hearing it, but she couldn’t actually hear it. It gave my brain something to work with, it was the start of the rewiring process. I could feel the brain working hard to learn how to see, but it didn’t happen. No sense of journeying, just sitting in a state of nothingness.
My second ayahuasca experience, the following day with the same shaman, was a group ceremony. Here’s an excerpt from my journal from that ceremony:
“Ayahuasca told me that I am such an adept Buddhist and such an efficiency expert that I developed a method of staying glued to the present: I limited my neurological functioning in a way that prevents distraction of memory or other cognitive distractions. I am so devoted to the growth of my consciousness that I disabled the ability to recall past experiences or project myself into the future, or entertain myself with pictures or noises in my head. An evolutionary neurological mechanism to guarantee total focus! Because all experience of memory, all visualization, etc. is a distraction from present consciousness, and it is unnecessary! A brilliant spiritual solution that I devised for myself in this lifetime to learn presence. Bliss is the only thing that is real; all else is illusion and distraction. Even when Ayahuasca is activated in me, I don’t journey to other places, I don’t watch psychedelic video, I just remain present in the experience. What an extraordinary gift I have given to myself.”
But even so, i continue to feel that something essential is missing from my experience as a human being, and I continue to search for activation of mental imagery.
I don’t know if you’re still active on Lesswrong, but I wonder some things about ayahuasca. Hearing about it, I’m tempted to travel to Kapitari and take part in a ceremony. I’m cautious because of the fragility of the mental state, but then again, it may be healing.
Also, I feel that you’re writing here is somewhat unusual and abstract. I have noticed that in many writings by psychadelics users, and fear that I will become less capable of communicating effectively after use.
Thoughts from anyone else?
edit 1: also considering mushrooms more locally. a classmate’s boyfriend found and enjoyed some. thoughts?
Wow, the part you quote is fascinating. I would suggest what is missing is simply an ability to understand that the “present” you remain in is you alone, sharply defined. Once you let go or are forced to let go, you will be us. Perhaps I have been reading too much Christian de Quincey though......