When someone is worked up, ask “what do you want to have happen?” Tends to re-direct things toward a solution or acceptance there is no solution.
Always (always) offer options. Saying “you have to stop that” adds to the problem. Saying “you can either stop that or leave or I’ll call the police” may stop the thing, or cause the person to leave, or empower the person to be the cause for police being summoned. Stop as the only option often causes doubling-down.
Never bluff, always follow through with the options. Either it stops, or they leave, or the police get called. Not a second of “and this time I really mean it!”
Assume responsibility when you mess up, right away and in full.
Follow the flag. You don’t have to work there and a line ten miles long is behind you of people willing to take your job. Obey the rules of where you are, even if they are wrong. If they are wrong enough, bring them up through channels. Then leave, because they aren’t going to change (for you—they’ll change after you’re gone).
Avoid ‘savior behavior.’ You will never save anyone, even if they tell you that you did. Trust the team, the program, the client and fate. Do it all yourself and you’re guaranteed to do harm.
Keep your boundaries, forever and always.
You may or may not see a client again. You may or may not see a co-worker again. You may or may not see a boss again. You may or may not see all sorts of people later on. Do your best for them. But you’re going to have to go to bed with yourself for the rest of your life. Make ethical choices that allow you to go to sleep.
Resign from social work when it’s time, or a little before that.
Neat! Do you have any other little tricks like that?
Yes.
When someone is worked up, ask “what do you want to have happen?” Tends to re-direct things toward a solution or acceptance there is no solution.
Always (always) offer options. Saying “you have to stop that” adds to the problem. Saying “you can either stop that or leave or I’ll call the police” may stop the thing, or cause the person to leave, or empower the person to be the cause for police being summoned. Stop as the only option often causes doubling-down.
Never bluff, always follow through with the options. Either it stops, or they leave, or the police get called. Not a second of “and this time I really mean it!”
Assume responsibility when you mess up, right away and in full.
Follow the flag. You don’t have to work there and a line ten miles long is behind you of people willing to take your job. Obey the rules of where you are, even if they are wrong. If they are wrong enough, bring them up through channels. Then leave, because they aren’t going to change (for you—they’ll change after you’re gone).
Avoid ‘savior behavior.’ You will never save anyone, even if they tell you that you did. Trust the team, the program, the client and fate. Do it all yourself and you’re guaranteed to do harm.
Keep your boundaries, forever and always.
You may or may not see a client again. You may or may not see a co-worker again. You may or may not see a boss again. You may or may not see all sorts of people later on. Do your best for them. But you’re going to have to go to bed with yourself for the rest of your life. Make ethical choices that allow you to go to sleep.
Resign from social work when it’s time, or a little before that.