While I think there are cases where condensing world details is better writing, I think in general that is more of a style preference than actual good or bad. Some people like jargon heavy fantasy/ sci-fi, and I’m one of them.
But the second point that I should pay more attention to how what the character notices says about him is completely right, and probably by shifting that around more is a strong way to improve the viewpoint.
While I think there are cases where condensing world details is better writing, I think in general that is more of a style preference than actual good or bad. Some people like jargon heavy fantasy/ sci-fi, and I’m one of them.
But the second point that I should pay more attention to how what the character notices says about him is completely right, and probably by shifting that around more is a strong way to improve the viewpoint.